Bad Stories For Bad People: Worst Edition
by harpseal2
Summary: A collection of assorted short stories that are awful parodies of bad fanfics, or just awful ideas I had. These beautiful stories were removed from FIMFic, so I'll be republishing them here as I feel like it. This will also contain Worse Stories for Worse People. Fuck you FIMFiction. Contains Coarse Language, Sex, Blood and Gore, Violence, and just a lot of bad shit in general.
1. Sgt Scootaloo, Seal Team Alpha Romeo 6

Chapter 1: Sgt. Scootaloo, Seal Team Alpha Romeo 6

0138 Hours.

Sgt. Scootaloo was wearing her Yukon 1x24 NV Tracker Night Vision Goggles. She was on a mission in Iraq to destroy Barack **HUSSEIN** Obama's Muslim terrorist hideout. God Bless Amer- I mean Equestria. Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. She looked at her Rolex Cosmograph Daytona Oyster 40 mm steel and yellow gold wrist-watch. It read 1:38 AM. Perfect timing.

With the accuracy of a haliaeetus leucocephalus (a.k.a a bald eagle), and the stealth of a panthera onca (a.k.a black panther), Scootaloo rushed across the desert under the curtain of night. She stopped for a moment. She looked through her Yukon 1x24 NV Tracker Night Vision Goggles. In the distance, she could see the target. Even worst, she saw a **BURNING AMERICAN FLAG** from the headquarters. She was **ANGRY**. She was an Ameri- sorry, Equestrian patriot, through and through.

Sgt. Scootaloo loved her country. That's why she served in over 200 different variations of the Equestrian Army, including the NAVY SEALS. I'd list them all, but mom says I gotta go to a wedding soon. God, I wish she would stop being such a bitch! Why do I go need to socialize with my cousins, when I can socialise with my Colt M16A3 Select-fire 5.56 Cal Assault Rifle with a custom Rainbow Dash themed paint job in my disgusting, dank basement? God damn fucking Red Commies! Next thing ya know, GAYS will want to MARRY! How Un-American is that? Jesus Christ people!

Anyway, Scootaloo set up her Springfield Armory M79 Single Shot Grenade Launcher. While it was not a model that was currently used, she kept it for personal reasons. She loaded the 40x46mm Explosive Grenade into the barrel, and fired it at those fucking towelheads. They died really fast, and the explosion left a hole in the base.

She walked in through the hole, and felt a feeble hand reach for her muscular hoof. A muslim with a stupid towel on his stupid head begged for mercy.

"Please, spare me!"

"It pays to be a winner, muslim. You like that? I learnt it from a NAVY seal!" she yelled at the ignorant Muslim.

"I beg you, ma'am, please don't kill me.

"No can do. I will remove you from the planet. Prepare to suffer the consequences, you anti-Americ-I mean Equestrian scumbag!"

Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster, and pulled the trigger, sending the .50 Caliber bullet into the towelheads face. He died.

"You should have prayed for a REAL god!"

Scootaloo used her GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun to breach through the door, like in that FPSRussia video. You know the one, right? She pulled the trigger, and recoil rang through her skinny little arms.

She kicked open the destroyed door. There were muslims all over the place, and Scootaloo just smiled.

"Don't worry, God might have sympathy upon you!"

"ALLAHU AKBAR!" They yelled.

Scootaloo reached behind her, and pulled out her Colt Defence M4 Carbine 5.56x45mm NATO Cal Assault Rifle, modded with a EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight, for precision. She stared down the EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight, and shot as many Allah-worshiping Towelheads as she could. God, how useful her EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight was at times.

"God, I love my EOTech 510 Series 512-A65 Black Holographic Weapon Sight. It never lets me down!"

A dirty towelhead jumped out from behind a concrete block, and shot his Izhmash AK-47 7.62x39mm Caliber Fully Automatic Assault Rifle towards Scootaloo. The 7.62 bullet struck Scootaloo in the chest. Fortunately, she was wearing her DuPont Fiber KM2 Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, and it caught the bullet.

"Nice try, but I have God on my side! Also, I have DuPont Fiber KM2 Kevlar Bulletproof Vest on my chest."

She shot the Muslim, and 50 others dead. Eventually, with many dead bodies trailing, she made her way to a door marked "OBAMA THE ANTI-AMERICAN shit I mean EQUESTRIAN'S HQ DON'T COME INSIDE". Scootaloo laughed.

"The only rule I obey is the Bill Of Rights! Especially the Second Amendment!"

She pulled out her previously used GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun to fire a fucking fuckton of 12 gauge buckshots into the door. A fucking fuckton is a lot. Like, seriously, that's a lot of bullets. But the GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun is really good for that, because it's got a 30 round magazine, which is pretty cool, y'know. She ki- god damn it I gotta go to school. Goddamn communist common core shit! The Jews run everything! They think they can trick me!

She kicked it open to see a cowering Obama, hiding under his Muslim desk. On one side of the room, an ISIS flag hung, and on the other side, was a picture of C4 Controlled Plastic Explosives at the base of the World Trade Center.

"I knew it! You were the one who caused 9/11! Everypony knows that jet fuel can't melt steel beams!"

"Please! Spare me!"

"The only thing worse than a black, faggot-loving muslim, is a black, faggot-loving, muslim COWARD!"

"No, please! I'll give you anything!"

"Save it for the Jews and the Illuminati!"

She pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. She cocked the pistol.

"Any last words, you dirty America- fuck I mean Equestrian-hating Muslim?" she said as she pointed the Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol at Obama's head.

"ALLAHU AKBAR!"

She pulled the trigger, which made a really big bullet come out and it hit Obama in the head. His head splattered like a watermelon in an FPSRussia video. C'mon guys, you know the one.

"I have saved Americ-Equestria from the terrorists again! And remember; The only easy day, was yesterday."

Scootaloo wandered off into the sunrise, as the national anthem played.


	2. Escape from Terrorist Island!

Chapter 2: Escape from Terrorist Island!

An alarm buzzed loudly.

Rainbow Dash reached over and slammed the alarm clock in frustration.

"Ugh… I have to get up."

Rainbow Dash threw the sheets off from her thin body, and she stood up on her hind legs for a stretch.

She walked down the staircase to see her housemate, Pinkie Pie, eating breakfast, and reading holiday brochures. She noticed the mountain of sugar on the pink pony's cereal.

"Oh Pinkie Pie, you're so random!"

Rainbow pulled up a seat at the table.

"You got any cereal?"

"Yeah!" she said as she shoved the box towards Rainbow.

Rainbow poured herself some, and started eating.

"Whatcha readin'?"

"Oh, just some holiday stuff! I wanna go for an adventure!"

"Meh, we don't need a holiday for an adventure."

"HEY!" Pinkie said, "Check this place out! It's called TERRORIST ISLAND™!"

"TERRORIST ISLAND™? That's a lame, yet exciting name!"

"We should go!"

"Okay then, let's get packing!"

And with that, the two headed upstairs and started packing their bags.

"This is going to be so, awesome," the pony with rainbow hair said, squeezing her face like in that one episode. You know the one, right?

"Our dialogue is so heavy handed and shitty!" Pinkie said, totally breaking the fourth wall. Oh how random she is.

"That's because the writer is fucking terrible!" Rainbow Dash sa- hey, shut the fuck up you Rainbow-haired bitch!

Several hours later, they were at the docks, waiting for a boat to pick them up.

"I can't wait to go to this TERRORIST ISLAND™!" Pinkie said as she bounced excitedly.

"Yeah! It sounds so rad!"

"Tickets please!" the tour guide announced.

Rainbow fumbled through the saddlebags, and handed him the tickets.

"Thank you ma'am!" he said, stepping into the boat. "Y'all can come in too, now."

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stepped inside the boat, and they powered towards their destination, TERRORIST ISLAND™.

After several hours of travel, they saw land approaching.

"Can you see that island there, Pinkie?"

"Yes I can Rainbow Dash, yes I can."

"Is that TERRORIST ISLAND™?"

"Sausage, Apple Pie, and a banana," the pink pony said.

"Oh Pinkie Pie, you are so random."

Suddenly, they noticed a huge explosion from TERRORIST ISLAND™. They gasped.

"Don't mind them," the tour guide said casually, "they're just suicide bombers."

They relaxed.

"This is as far as I can take ya," he said, dropped the two off at a pier.

"Thanks, Mr. Tour Guide!" they said, waving as he left.

"Wow! This place is awesome!" the pink pony said.

"Ehh, it needs to be about 20% cooler," Rainbow said.

Suddenly, a man with a bomb strapped to his chest ran towards them!

"Oh my God Pinkie!" the rainbow-haired pony yelled in shock.

"Not to worry, Dashie!" Pinkie said.

And with that, peculiarly, Pinkie pulled two pistols from the pink pelt perched upon her pate. She threw one to Rainbow Dash.

"You won't stop us today, terrorist scum!" Rainbow said, shooting the terrorist in the head.

"C'mon Dash, we gotta go!" the strange pink horse said, pulling the athletic, rainbow haired horse along.

"Holy horseapples, Pinkie! They're just blowing themselves up!"

The two started running. Suddenly, they found themselves cornered by suicide bombers.

"Allahu akbar!" they said.

"I am not going to die today," Rainbow Dash said.

Then, they started firing their pistols at the terrorists and they died.

"Yes! We killed them!" Rainbow Dash said.

"We can not celebrate now, when there is more terrorists to be killed."

The two of them rushed off, and found themselves facing more terrorists.

"Oh my God."

They started shooting, when suddenly, one got too close.

The explosion blew Pinkie's leg off.

"Oh no, Pinkie," Rainbow Dash said.

"Rainbow, my friend, you must go on without me," the pink horse said.

"But how?"

"Carry on, my Rainbow Dash son…" Pinkie said, before dying.

"Nooooooooooooooooo," Rainbow Dash said.

She started running from the terrorists.

She noticed a rowboat.

She.

Jumped.

Into.

The.

Rowboat.

She started rowing as fast as she could. She looked down and noticed her stomach was bleeding.

"Oh no," she said, "TERRORIST ISLAND™ has taken another life, but this time it is mine."

And then... she sailed into the white light.

And then she woke up, because it was all a dream.

And she woke up again, finding out she dreamt it was all a dream, and it really happened.

"I'm going to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

The reason why there are so many e's is because she died while typing. That's the joke.


	3. Twilight and The Generic Clop-Fic

Chapter 3: Twilight Sparkle and the feature-bait fuckfest

AUTHORZ NOTE: this stroy is humonised 4 ur viewing plesure ;)

NEW AUTHORZ NOTE: this stroy also assumes u are fagmiliar with fimfiction and how u get featured if u add a lot of boby and vagene

Twilight Sparkle was fingering her fucking snatch.

"Jesus fucking Christ I want to fuck some-fucking-one," the horny fucking bitch said, the absolute madman.

So she picked up her fucking phone, and called fucking Shining Armor and shit.

"Hey yo, my fucking brother!" she yelled annoyingly.

"Hey Twilight, my fucking really attractive sister that I want to fuck!"

"You wanna fuck?"

"Yeah, of-fucking-course!"

"Fucking come over then, cunt!"

Twilight sat there with her entire fucking fist in her fucking cunny. Holy fucking shit. She's got her fucking hand in her fucking womb. She's practically giving birth to her fucking hand. That's fucking amazing.

Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door. She knew who it was, so she didn't bother putting her clothes back on. Jesus fuck, how erotic is that?

She opened the fucking door. There he fucking was. Huge fucking dick, just fucking hanging there.

"Fuck me Shining, you are one hot motherfucker!" she said, barely containing the wetness from her naked mound[1].

"Thank you Twilight! I fucking know it."

"Now, my totally fucking sexy fucking brother, let's go up stairs and fuck my fucking brains out."

"Fuck!" he said, in fucking happiniess.

He was walking up the fucking stairs, and then he reminded Twilight of fucking something.

"My desires are… fucking unconventional."

"So fucking show me," Twilight said.

So they went into her bedroom. That's fucking right, they did. Do you understand that? Do [b]you[/b]?!

"Ok bitch, what the fuck do we do here?"

"You put your slimey dick into my gaping asshole, fuckhead."

"My dick ain't slimey yet, ya fucking cunt!"

"Fucking get it slimey then!"

"Why don't you fucking lick it or some shit!"

"O-fucking-k then!"

Twilight put her lips around Shining's huge, throbbing member. His cock was at least 12 inches [2]. She sucked him, massaging his huge dick with her soft tongue. She could feel his penis throb on her tongue. Obligatory FUCK.

"Fuck me, cunt, I'm about to fucking blow!"

He cummed down Twilight's throat. She swallowed like a good little fucking girl.

"Ok, let's fucking fuck."

Shining pounded his hard fucking dick right into Twilight's cunt[3]. He humped her like a dog in fucking heat.

"Oh Shining, fuck me silly."

He pounded her tight little hole. Fuck I forgot to write fuck.

"I'm gonna fucking cum!"

"Please Shiny!"

He moaned as he burst his seed right into Twilight's womb[4]. She moaned as she came at the same time. She looked at Shining, who fucking fell asleep next to her.

Twilight rubbed her full belly. She knew a little Shining Armor was growing inside her[5]. She couldn't wait. She smiled and went to sleep.

Oh shit, forgot to write fuck.

Footnotes;

[1] Female arousal does not drip down legs, however this was purposely ignored for the purpose of your entertainment.

[2] If Shining Armor's penis really was 12 inches, he'd be unable to sustain an erection without passing out. However, this has been fabricated once again, for your entertainment.

[3] Shining Armor could not have possibly recovered that fast, for him to have a full erection once more in such a short time span.

[4] There is no physical way that a man could cum inside a woman's womb.

[5] If this were to really happen, their baby would most likely be horribly deformed and severely disabled.


	4. Rad Stories for Rad People

Chapter 4: Rad Stories For Rad People

Sunlight poured in through the windows of the exotic mansion. Rainbow Dash grunted as she stepped out of her bed. She stretched, and she yawned. She sighed.

"Dangit, today just isn't awesome enough. I better fix that!"

She threw her window open, and soared out. It was midday by now, and the golden orb was at it's highest point. All of Ponyville gazed upon her rainbow glory, and she sped across the deep blue sky. She performed a loop. She heard the crowd cheering at her amazing tricks.

"Just wakin' up!" she yelled, hoping her eager fans could hear her.

She started flying faster, leaving a rainbow trail behind her. She spun around several times, creating a beautiful rainbow ribbon in the air. The crowd cheered louder. She smirked.

She sped up, she went faster and faster.

"Time to do some [b]really[/b] awesome stuff!"

Suddenly, the sound barrier broke, and a huge rainbow exploded from her position. All of Ponyville watched in awe, before breaking out into cheers. They were so loud, Rainbow could still hear them.

"Alright!" she screamed.

She sped off towards her cheering fans, hoping to meet them. She landed gently, in front of one very eager fan.

"Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash! That trick was **sooo** awesome!"

Rainbow Dash noticed that it was Scootaloo. She smiled and hugged her little fan.

"Hey squirt, what's happening?" Rainbow asked inquisitively.

"Oh, y'know, nothing especially awesome…" Scootaloo said, with a sigh.

"Damn, that sucks to hear! Tell ya what, how's about we go get some ice-cream?"

"Oh wow! That's awesome! Thanks Rainbow!"

Together, they set off for Sugercube Corner.

"So, Scoots, how's your flying?"

"...not so good…" Scootaloo replied, shying away.

"Hey, c'mon Scoots. It's okay. You don't need to be an awesome flier to be an awesome pony."

Scootaloo sniffled and smiled.

"Alright, Scooty, we're here!"

The cool air from the shop burst into their faces. Rainbow shivered slightly, before walking in. They took a seat, and suddenly, a pink ball of fuzz burst into their faces.

"HeyadashiewhatcanIgetya!?" Pinkie Pie exploded.

"Umm, I think I'll just have a vanilla scoop, and my little buddy over there will have…"

"Caramel!" Scootaloo piped up.

"You heard the lady," Rainbow Dash winked.

"Okey dokey, girls! It's comin' _riiiiight_ up!"

Pinkie bounced off, leaving the two of them alone.

"So… I didn't know you liked caramel," Dash said, making small talk with her friend.

"Yeah, I only tried it a few days ago, but it was really good!" she replied with a smile.

"Heh… yeah, I guess it is pretty good."

"Then why'd you go with vanilla?"

"Less fattening," Dash said with a wink.

Scootaloo giggled. Suddenly, Pinkie appeared from nowhere with two little bowls.

"Here's the vanillaaa scoop, and here's the caramel scoop, for the little lady!"

"Thanks, Pinkie!" Scootaloo said.

"Yeah, thanks Pinkie," Dash said, already taking a scoop from the ice-cream.

"Alrighty! Don't forget to come up and pay!"

Pinkie Pie bounced off once more.

The two sat there, enjoying their ice-cream. Soon, it was all gone, and Rainbow went up to pay Pinkie. The two left the shop, grinning and waving to Pinkie on their way out.

"Thanks, Rainbow."

"You're welcome, Scoots," Dash said, rubbing her little friend on the head.

"You're so…"

"So what?" Dash asked inquisitively.

"...rad."


	5. AJ and the Bad, Terrible, No-Good Story

Chapter 5: Applejack and The Bad, Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Story

Author's Notes: [] ← Anything in square brackets is the audience's reactions. You can play along if you want.

It was a very sunny day in Ponyville, and all the critters were awake. They were having a very good day.

A grumpy orange pony walked into the barn. It's Applejack! Everyone say hello to Applejack!

[Hello Applejack!]

Applejack is having a bad day. [Awww]

She woke up, and fell out of bed! [Hahaha!]

Applejack heard a squish under her foot. Oh no, she stepped in doo-dee! [Hahaha!]

Applejack said, "Goshdarnit! Why does today have ta be so bad?"

It was a very bad day for Applejack.

She walked over to feed her cows.

Daisy, the cow, said, "Give me more food, or we'll stampede!"

Applejack said, "B-but I ain't got enuff! I can't just give ya more!"

Daisy said, "Oh yes you can!"

Suddenly, the cows formed a herd, and stampeded over Applejack. She lay on the ground, as flat as a pancake.

Applejack said, "This is a terrible day."

And she was right. [Hahaha!]

After inflating herself again, she trotted over to feed Winona, her best friend. She opened a can of food, and poured it into the little dog's bowl. Winona was not happy with her rations, oh she was not.

She lunged at Applejack and bit her!

Applejack said, "Git offa me ya filthy varmint!"

Applejack grabbed a broom, and slammed it onto Winona's skull! Winona fell off of her, hitting the ground. She poked the dog with the broom.

Oh no! Winona was dead!

Applejack said, "Oh no! Winona!"

And she started crying. Poor Applejack, what a bad, terrible day! [Hahaha!]

Later, Applejack started bucking trees. She was very good at bucking trees. Maybe this would go right!

She slammed her legs into a tree trunk, and then the tree fell right over.

She heard a "yelp!" from the other side.

She hurried around, worried!

A red tail, and a tiny, golden hoof stuck out from underneath the tree. A pool of crimson flowed from the hoof.

Oh no! Applejack just killed her little sister!

She started crying again. What a bad, terrible, horrible, day! [Hahaha!]

Suddenly, she felt a powerful hoof reach out and touch her shoulder.

It was her big brother, Big Mac! Say hello to Big Mac! [Hi Big Mac!]

Big Mac said, "Heya bitch, I ain't got all day!"

Applejack sniffled and said, "Whatdyamean?"

Big Mac said, "Y'all know what day it is."

Applejack said, "Oh no…"

It was Wincest Wednesday! [Hahaha!]

Big Mac said, "That's right, now lemme fuck yer lil' cunt, bitch" [Hahaha!]

Applejack said, "Please, Mac, just lemme go!"

Big Mac grabbed her, and she struggled. Soon, she just gave up.

Big Mac said, "Shut up, ya fuckin' whore! Y'all know the fuckin' deal!"

He mounted Applejack, and he started pounding her tight little vagina. It hurt poor Applejack, who starting crying like a big baby. [Hahaha!] How pathetic! [Hahaha!]

He coated her insides with a huge load.

Applejack cried. What a bad, terrible, horrible, no-good day! [Hahaha!]

Later, Applejack went inside her house. She called out for her Granny, to no response. She walked past the living room, Granny Smith's usual hiding spot, and looked inside.

Oh no! It appears Granny Smith had a cardiac arrest and died! [Hahaha!]

Applejack started crying more. What a bad, terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day! [Hahaha!]

Applejack ran upstairs, and buried her face into a pillow, and fell asleep.

A week later, Applejack went to the local store, and bought a pregnancy test! She went home, and went to the toilet.

She peed on the little device, and shook it.

Uh oh! There's a little plus! [Hahaha!]

Oh dear! Now she was going to have to decide whether she should foal her brother's child, or whether she should abort the little shit! [Hahaha!]

What a bad, terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad nine months! [Hahaha!]

The end.


	6. Pinkie Pie kills fucking everyone

Chapter 666: Pinkie Pie kills fucking everyone (Guest Chapter)

This story was written by my mate Nic-Fit, go check him out here on FIMFic

Pinkie Pie was furious. She was fucking livid. If you saw her, you'd think ' _fuck me, she's pissed. I'll stay out of her_ _way_ '. She was so angry she could smack a bitch, and smack a bitch she would.

Yeah, Rainbow would be a good place to start.

Pinkie trotted outside and into the rain, hair all flat and stuff (that's just how fucked off she was) and walked straight under the cloud she knew Rainbow would be. She picked up a stone, and fucking launched it using her ridiculous earth pony strength, sending it straight up through the cloud and hitting Rainbow right between the wings.

The sheer force of the throw dissipated the cloud Rainbow was resting on, and caused her wings to tense up where the stone had hit between the muscles, sending her tumbling to the ground with a startled yelp. What a fantastic throw, what a great toss. Any baseballman would surely be impressed with the quality of such a drive.

"Ow! Pinkie, what the-MMPHP?!" Dash was silenced by Pinkie's hoof entering her mouth.

"You're coming with me!" she said, as she dragged the pegasus back into Sugarcube Corner by the jaw.

Once inside she locked the door and closed the curtains, before turning back to a very irate looking Rainbow.

"Okay Pinkie, what the hay is going on with you?"

Pinkie walked up to Rainbow with the biggest fucking scowl you've ever seen in your life, and smacked her right across the face with her absurd earth pony magic, knocking her to the ground.

"listen here u little shit" said Pinkie "im gonna fuck u up. Hard."

Pinkie grabbed Rainbow by her neck and began hitting her in the face over and over again, spraying blood and spit and teeth all over the room, like a Jackson Pollock, but with more bodily fluids. And teeth. Eventually Dash passed out, and Pinkie use the opportunity to tie her to a chair.

After a few minutes Rainbow started to come around again, and woke up to Pinkie staring at her intently.

"Pinkie, why are you doing this?! Let me go!" shouted Dash, struggling in her restraints.

"Shut it, you swollen face fuck!" roared Pinkie, slapping Rainbow's face some more. "You have pissed me off in an as-of-yet unidentified in the story reason, so I'm going to kill you!"

"What! Why?" protested Dash.

"Because the story says so." replied Pinkie, now wielding a pizza slicer. Look at this crazy ass bitch breaking the fourth wall like it's some sort of cracker. What a whacky and clever character trait.

"Oh Pinkie, you're so random." chuckled Rainbow as Pinkie started going at her wing roots with the slicer.

Rainbows left wing fell off, followed by the right one shortly after, Rainbow protesting and screaming the entire time, the whiny bitch. Pinkie gathered them up and disappeared into another room, leaving Dash alone to think about what she had done. After about ten minutes Pinkie came back, carrying a pie, with Rainbow's now slightly singed wings sticking out from the top. What an edgy thing to do.

"Waste not want not I always say!" said Pinkie, taking a bite of the pie.

Pinkie threw the rest of the pie away, and resumed the beating and stabbing from earlier. Eventually, after Pinkie was done baking various pegasus parts into foodstuffs, she decided she was bored, and not as angry as she was anymore, so it was time for Rainbow Dash to go, which would be a lot harder than it would've been earlier, what with the horrific injuries and all.

"Well Dashie, guess it's time for you to go." said Pinkie, shoving various Rainbow Dash-based foods into Rainbow Dash's mouth.

The almost constant input of food was too much, and Rainbow just fucking exploded, like she stepped on a landmine or something but with more cakes, spraying rainbows and blood all over Sugarcube Corner.

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!" shouted an outraged Pinkie. "NOW I'VE GOT TO CLEAN ALL THIS SHIT UP! THAT MAKES ME SO FUCKING MAD."

"FUCKING FUCK FUCK!" she yelled, getting angrier and angrier. She just wanted to go to bed, but now she had to clean up this mess before the store opened tomorrow.

"ARRGHHG!"

Pinkie Pie was furious. She was fucking livid. If you saw her, you'd think ' _fuck me, she's pissed. I'll stay out of her_ _way_ '. She was so angry she could smack a bitch, and smack a bitch she would.

Yeah, AJ would be a good place to start.


	7. Rainbow Dash garn straya

Chapter 7: Rainbow Dash goes to Australia

Rainbow Dash sighed. It sucked being stuck in a forced vacation. Her boss said she had worked far too long, and she needed to have several weeks off to make up for the time. She had so many unused sick days and vacation weeks.

She looked out into the horizon. She wanted to explore the world. She wanted some adventure, some excitement, something. Anything but boredom.

"Uhh, I need to go on a holiday."

Suddenly, her face lit up. A holiday! Just what she needed. She flew out the front door of her house, and made a beeline for Twilight's.

She smashed through the window, earning an annoyed grunt from her friend.

"Dash! Why can't you use the door, like anypony else?" Twilight grumbled.

"No time for that, Twi! I gotta go on holiday!" Dash excitedly said.

"What?! Why?!"

"Beee, cause, I'm **bored**!"

"Rainbow Dash!"

"C'mon Twi, suggest anywhere! I gotta get away from this place!" Dash said, in an over dramatic manner.

"Umm," she hummed, as she spun her globe around.

She pressed her hoof down and yelled, "Here!"

She removed her hoof and read the name of the island getaway.

"...Australia?"

"Wow! That's an exotic name!"

"Rainbow, I've heard that this is a very dangerous place, with a very large count of extremely venomous snakes, and very large spiders. Including the Huntsmen, which is a harmless, but terrifying spider, and the Sydney Funnel-Web, which is extremely dangerou…"

"Yeah, yeah, egghead! I don't need a lecture. I'm too _awesome_ to get bitten! I'll be fine!"

"Okay then, well, if the animals and the dangers don't bother you, then I wish you a happy holiday!"

"All right! Thanks, Twi! Can you tell everypony I'm on holiday? I'm gonna miss my flight!"

And with that, she took to the skies.

After eighteen hours of travel, Rainbow Dash set hoof on the hard, bitumen road. She wandered towards the large, glass building. There were two large words painted on the side. She squinted, as the bright sun reflecting on the glass almost blinded her.

"Hmm, what does that say…" she mumbled to herself, trying to pronounce the words.

"Mel-born Airport! Awesome, I'm here!"

"Oi, ya fuckin' pony cunt!" a gruff voice called.

She looked over and saw the source of the voice. A rather large human, in a bright, fluorescent yellow shirt, stared back at her. He took a large sip from a can marked "VB", and took a long puff of his cigarette.

"It's fucking pronounced 'Mel-bin', ya dim cunt!"

"Sorry, sir! What is your name?" she asked, timidly.

"Ha! Fuck off, ya shitcunt."

"Fine, geez! Don't be helpful."

Rainbow flew away from him. What a mean guy! He really needs an attitude adjustment, she thought.

She was sweating.

"Dear Celestia, it's hot here!"

She decided to touch down in a backyard. She looked around. Suddenly, a little red ball struck her right between the eyes.

Her vision was blurred. She saw a small child, running towards her. He picked up the ball. Suddenly, to Rainbow Dash's annoyance, he started yelling to his friend.

"Oi Sammy, ya cunt! That's a fuckin' six, for sure!"

She heard the friend's reply.

"Fuck me cunt, did I hit the fuckin' bird thing?"

"Yeah cunt, looks like ya fuckin' killed it."

"Shit, cunt. She'll be right."

Rainbow rose to her hooves, to the surprise of the children.

"Hey, is there... anywhere I can get an ice pack?" she winced.

"Oh fuck, that fuckin' thing is alive!"

"Shit, cunt! Fuckin' get your bat, we gotta fuckin kill it!"

"No! Please, don't hurt me!"

"Nah, not you, ya fuckwit. There's a fucking huntsman on your fuckin' wing!"

She looked at her wing, and noticed a **FUCKING HUGE FUCKING SPIDER ON HER FUCKING WING HOLY FUCKING SHIT**.

She started flapping her wing.

"Oh Celestia gettit off me!" she panicked.

Suddenly, a hard, wooden bat slammed onto her wing. She screamed in pain.

"Fuck me, you dim cunt. You missed the fuckin' spider!"

Rainbow Dash was writhing in pain, when suddenly, another sharp pain bolted through her wing. She squealed, and started crying.

"There, Sam, you fuckin' shithead. I fuckin' killed it!"

"Shit, cunt, the fuckin' horsie is havin' a whinge!"

Suddenly, a large man ran outside, and noticed the animal writhing in pain.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you little cunts! What the fuck did you do this time?"

Rainbow Dash passed out.

She awoke on a leather couch. She looked at the man, rubbing a metal can on her head.

"Hey there, little-"

He looked down at her privates.

"...girl, everything's gonna be fuckin' fine," he said, soothingly.

"W-where am I?" she asked, her head full of questions.

"Oh shit! You can fuckin' talk?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Sorry 'bout this shit. My fuckin' boys were playin' some backyard cricket an…"

He turned to look at the TV.

" **Oh my fucking God! You've got to be fucking kidding me! A fuckin' wicket? That's fucking bullshit! Kick that curry munching cunt off the fucking field!** "

Rainbow was visibly terrified.

"Oh, fuck, sorry. It's just a fuckin' cricket game. Cricket's our national sport. I can't fuckin believe we've got seven fuckin' wickets on us, and we've only got 115 runs!"

He cleared his throat, "Anyway, you were fuckin' hit by a stray ball. One of my boys scored a fuckin' amazing six. Fuckin' sorry about that."

"...okay…" Rainbow Dash replied, extremely confused.

"Oh, shit, you wonder why I'm usin' a fuckin' beer can? Yeah, we don't have a pack of peas in the fuckin' freezer, so I had to use this instead. Sorry."

He popped the lid open and guzzled the beer.

"Fuck me, I love a good VB."

"What's a 'VB'?" Dash asked.

"Victorian-fuckin'-Bitter."

"Wouldn't that be 'VFB'?"

"Fuck up, ya little smart alec. I'll fucking bash you."

He lit up a cigarette and had a long drag.

"You wanna fuckin' durry?"

"What's a 'durry'?"

"Fuckin' cigarette. Cunt, you are totally fuckin' cooked! How do you not fuckin' know this?"

Rainbow Dash sighed.

"I came here for a holiday, and so far I've been abused by everyone here! No wonder Twilight said it was dangerous!"

"Mate, who the fuck is 'Twilight'? Isn't that the fucking movie about vampires or some shit?"

"Screw this!"

Rainbow Dash stretched her wings and flew through the open door.

"Scarnon you fucken horse dropkick?! You garn servo?! Get us a fucken pie and coke love!"

She couldn't take it anymore. She just wanted to go on a holiday. She kept flying as far as she could.

After several hours, she looked down, and there was nothing but sand beneath her. She touched down, but quickly pulled back. The sand was insanely hot, and it burnt Rainbow's sensitive hooves. The sun was beating down upon her.

Her sweat rolled down her face, and left her cheek. She swore it sizzled when it hit the ground.

"I hate this place! It's just all desert and it's full of jerks! I wanna go home!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

Suddenly, she saw a white Holden Statesman coming towards her. She panicked.

The car stopped in front of her. Several suited men jumped out from the car, all armed. Then, an ape in a suit stepped out of the car.

"What's a monkey doing out here?" Dash said, giggling at the absurd sight.

The ape turned around, and looked at the small Aboriginal tribe behind him.

"Fuck off ya cunts!" the ape yelled.

"Al-fuckin'-right, lemme just finish my metho and milk," an Aboriginal replied.

"Fuck it, this cunt is cooked!" the other one said, packing up their didgeridoo.

The ape looked Rainbow Dash in the eyes.

"Did you fuckin' call me an ape? Do you not fuckin' know who I am?"

"...no…"

"I'm fucking Tony Abbott! I'm the fuckin' Prime Minister of Australia! I'm very, fuckin', important!"

"Sorry sir," she apologised.

"Anyway, I've taken a firm fucking stance against illegal immigrants. You're fuckin' out, Pony."

And with that, one of Tony's guards kicked her in the flank so hard, she flew right back to Equestria.

"Nice fuckin' kick, Jonno."

"Yeah mate, not me fuckin' best, though." Johnathan Thurston replied.

Rainbow Dash crashed through the window of Twilight's Library. Twilight ran downstairs and yelled at her again.

"Rainbow! What did I tell you about the front do-"

A very red pony with rainbow hair arose from the pile of books. She was holding a VB in one hoof, and a durry in her mouth.

"Cunt, shut the fuck up."

And that, she did.


	8. Daryl Dixon visits Ponyville

Chapter 8: Daryl Dixon visits Ponyville

The sun shone brightly, all over the beautiful village of Ponyville.

Daryl Dixon pulled the bow on his crossbow back. God damn, he's one sexy fucking beast. Ugh, look at that sexy long hair. I finger myself to him. I'm 15.

He placed the arrow in the crossbow, and aimed his sights at a little rabbit. He shot the little rabbit, and dashed over to pick it up. Damn, wasn't that action sequence fucking awesome? God damn, Daryl is the best character.

"Damn, sonavahbitch smells like ass," he said.

Jesus Christ. Look, I gotta stop the story. Daryl, jesus, my god, DARYL FRICKEN DIXON. How AWESOME is he? God damn, he's just SO awesome.

He picked up the rabbit's corpse, and pulled his knife out. He cut it open, like a fucking badass, and gutted it. He looked for some wood, and spotted a yellow pony with pink hair, almost in tears.

"Whatta y'all lookin' at, bitch?"

She started sobbing profusely. Little crybaby.

"Y-y-y-you killed my little Angel!" she choked, during sobs. "Y-y-you m-m-m-monster!"

"Ay, do I look like I give a shit about y'all dumbass lil' rabbit? I don't!"

She started crying even more. She looked up, and suddenly her blue eyes were pierced with a crossbow arrow. She fell to the ground, stone cold dead. Motherfucker, this Daryl guy, he's just amazing. All my girlfriends agree. I'm 15, I'm a girl, and I have severe autism.

Daryl said some badass one liner, before pulling the arrow out of the horse's head. Jesus, look at his sexy motherfucking arms. Holy shit, he is just the best. Fuck Rick, fuck Glenn, DARYL is the best.

Daryl kept wandering through the forest, before spotting another pony. This one was orange, with light blonde hair.

"Hey y'all, c'mere lil' horsie," he said, calling the horse.

"Who said that?" replied a voice with a thick accent.

Look, now I don't read the Walking Dead comics, because fucking nerds do, but I just want to say that DARYL is the best, and the comics suck because DARYL isn't in them! What a terrible idea, not having Daryl in them. I mean, are they even based off the show? Jesus Christ, people.

"I'm Daryl Dixon, ya dumbass!"

"Come again?"

Then the arrow went through the orange horses' head. Fucking hell, man, that's awesome. Seriously, how awesome is Daryl? I'm surrounded by Daryl plushes right now. One has it's hand in my vagina. I have a Daryl dakimakura on my bed. It's stained by my ejaculate. It's never been washed, it smells like feminine beauty. I hope Normy smells like this IRL.

He walked over to the horse and pulled the arrow out of it's skull. He laughed. Sexily. He's so fucking sexy as fucking shit. Fuck me. Norman Reedus please marry me.

I wrote a song for Daryl. It's called "Norman please marry me".

Daryl is so hot I wanna fuck him I want him to rape my cunt And to set fire to my pussy Norman please marry me x4 Daryl please shit in my mouth Use me as a toilet Tentacle Rape me And then we can kill my parents Norman please marry me x4 (hard rock solo) Norman please marry me x8

Daryl is so much fucking cooler than Merle. Merle's a meanie. God, Daryl is so hot.

DARYL FUCK ME PLEASE! YES BABY YES!

The End, sorry, I need to fucking masturbate to Daryl.


	9. A Typical Generic 2nd Person Clopfic

Chapter 9: A Typical Shitty, Generic Second-Person Clopfic That Will Inevitably Be Featured Because Pathetic Losers Like You Like To Imagine Themselves Fucking Horses, Because No Human Female Would Even Come Close To You, You Fucking Autist

You're a fucking faggot.


	10. Twilight's house has semen in it I guess

Chapter 10: Twilight's house has a bunch of semen in it and stuff I guess

One day, Twilight awoke. She got out of bed.

"Oh dear, it appears I've stepped in semen."

Spike's corpse floated past.

"Wow, that's a lot of semen."

Yeah, there is a lot of semen.

Plot twist; It's human semen. It's from you. You are the only human in Equestria. You jacked off everywhere you fucking piece of shit, fucking clean up next time.

Please feature my story, I put a lot of effort into it.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is based on some shitty story that got featured about some faggot horse's house getting, you guessed it, flooded with semen. It wasn't funny, it wasn't sexy, it was just shit. So that's why it got featured. A lot of these stories are me just getting angry at featured stories.


	11. num bi lankan pirk sogn-fic

ch pter 11: num bi lankan pirk sogn-fic

pynky py was doin a cry bcuz her boifrined broek up wif her and shi cried nd shit. shi wantd to kill herslef nd stuff. shi hung a rope, but relezed rope was not dere. den she ws in th walmart

loking 4 rope 2 hng herslef nd sow metora by lenkon purk.

"this cd is a metaphor for my life" shi said, "fake, digitally generated, and already broken" she contined, noticng a hueg fucken crak in de cd case.

shi wnet 2 da conter and buyd it nd thn whent home.

shi put da cd in the plyer nd 4 som wird fukken reasonshi whent to the trck cald "num"

shi slit hr rists as de sexy mn (alsp nown s chester frum legsof pork) yelld

"IVEEEE BECOMMME SOOO NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM"

den shi put hr fuckin hed thru de rop n died

end of story


	12. My Disco

Chapter 12: My Disco

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Based on the Big Black song, "My Disco", which was based on a true story. This story was fucking despised on the site and I loved it as a result.

Hospitals are dark places. Full of diseases, sickness, and death. I hate hospitals. I used to have to go to them all the time. I was flying at an early age, and I would always bump into things. Hard enough to break legs. I cracked my skull right fucking open once when I smacked into a tree.

Luckily, Dad was around, and he rushed me right to hospital. Thanks to him, I was okay. It hurt a lot.

None of that matters, now. I was in the Ponyville Hospital, for what should have been a joyous moment. I was expecting a newborn foal. Soarin rushed me to the hospital as fast as his (and my) wings would carry him. Three long, painful hours later, I gave birth to the foal. They didn't tell me the gender, they were busy inspecting it.

"Ma'am," the Nurse started, "We believe your foal... may have some disabilities."

I started panicking. What if the foal was disabled? I couldn't look after a disabled foal. I would need a second job to get by. The Wonderbolts are, somehow, going out of fashion. No-pony goes to see them anymore, strangely. When I was a filly, I would save up ALL my pocket money to see them when they came to Cloudsdale. My Dad would get pissed, because I spent ALL of my pocket money to see them.

I'm getting off topic.

The nurse came in, and they delivered the "wonderful" news;

"Ma'am, it's a filly..." she started.

I was relieved.

"Unfortunately, she is... has major.. disabilities..."

My heart stopped.

Fuck.

I cried. The nurse came to comfort me, but she couldn't do shit. Fuck, man, my foal was completely retarded! I'd need to get 4 fucking jobs to look after the little shit!

I couldn't think properly. I was in deep trouble.

What would Soarin think?

The nurse walked out into the hallway to tell Soarin the news, and he broke down too. We were lucky I even got pregnant. He had such a low sperm count, he was almost sterile.

Almost.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was over the moon! We were gonna have foals! I was so happy.

Everything looked fine on the ultrasound, and every doctor we went to said it would be a healthy baby. How fucking wrong were they!?

Soarin rushed into my room and the nurses and the doctors left us alone. We had to talk about this.

"How are we gonna survive?" Soarin asked.

"I'll need to get a second, maybe even third job!" I panicked.

"Shit, what are we gonna doo!"

"Maybe, we should say it's somepony else's!"

"It's got rainbow hair like you, Dash!"

He's got a point there.

"We should forget to take it home!"

"How could we use that excuse?!"

"Maybe we should leave it in a dumpster!"

Soarin was shocked, but he realised the situation. We had to fix the problem.

"That's too risky! Somepony will hear it crying!" Soarin reasoned.

I thought hard. We had to take drastic measures.

"Pillow over it's face?"

"They'll think we did it!"

"Frame it on that couple!" I pointed to another couple who walked past our door.

"It's too fucking obvious, Dash!"

"Well, what do you think we do!?" I yelled at him.

"I don't know, sneak into the nursery, take out the deformed little shit and bash it's fucking head in!"

I stared at him. We were desperate. We didn't have criminal records. We were clean. They would think it would be somepony else for sure. We'd have to move away from Ponyville. Far away. Change our names. He'd quit the Wonderbolts. I'd dye my hair.

To be honest, I'm getting pretty sick of this town anyway.

"I'll do it."

"WHAT?!"

"Soarin, they won't think it's us! We're clean! Spotless criminal records! You're in the Wonderbolts! You wouldn't fuck up your rep, by doing something as shocking as that!"

"Are you fucking crazy!?"

He was freaked. He thought I was insane.

"Listen, Soarin, we move out of Ponyvillle. Far away from this place. We change names. I'll dye my hair. I'll grow my hair out. They wouldn't even recognize us if they saw us," I reasoned.

"This is crazy, Dashie," Soarin was calming down.

"It'll work, trust me."

Soarin thought about it for a minute. He finally responded.

"You're the one doing it, okay?"

It was dead silent in the hospital. All the foals in the nursery were asleep. Most of the staff had gone home, and the lights were off.

Perfect.

Soarin was currently flying to Cloudsdale to hand in his resignation. After that, he'd buy our train tickets. We would meet outside the hospital and race to the station. He'd already submitted our new names to the board.

It was going to work.

I had stolen the keys off a hospital worker. Luckily, he worked in the maternity ward, so he had access to the nursery. The lights were on in there, but no-pony was on this level. No-pony would see this, except for me.

I unlocked the door, and I quietly stepped in. I slowly walked over to my foal's cot. I looked into the bed.

How the fuck did that thing come out of my cunt?

This thing was fucking deformed. It looked worse than a cubist self-portrait.

It was lucky I was gonna put it out of it's misery.

I picked it up. I held the little piece of shit in my hooves. I was so disgusted. How could this thing have POSSIBLY come out of me? I was actually about to vomit just looking at this thing. Time to get this over and done with.

I threw it at a wall. I heard a sickening crack. I think I broke all it's bones. Not good enough.

I walked over to it, and it was STILL FUCKING BREATHING!

Not when I'm done with it.

I started pounding my forehooves on it's head. It burst like a rotten egg, after a few hits. It was so satisfying. I kept beating it until it was nothing more than small fragments of brain and blood. I worked up a steady rhythm, hitting the piece of shit so many times.

It was like a dance.

It was like a disco.

It was like MY disco.


	13. Cards against Autism

Chapter 13: Cards against Autism

It was a dark Saturday night, and most of Ponyville was dead. Except for one bright light, shining from Sugercube Corner.

"Alright girls! Are you ready?!" Pinkie yelled excitedly.

Her friends were gathered around the plain black and white box. To Pinkie Pie, however, this was more than just a little box, this was the essence of her Saturday nights. And mine too.

This is Cards Against Humanity.

Every Saturday night, Pinkie invited her best friends around to play the game. She always had a marvelous time, just like I do. Geddit, this fic is based off a real match I had. Like and follow for more content.

Pinkie unpacked the box and started dealing cards. There were several giggles shared as her friends looked at their cards. But she wouldn't giggle. Oh no, she wouldn't. She had a poker face. She wouldn't give away her secrets.

"Alright, who'll be the czar first?" Rainbow Dash asked, anxious to start this fucking awesome game.

"I WILL BEEE!" Pinkie yelled. I love being the card czar. It's my favourite part.

"Okay then... darling, you must calm down," Rarity said, the fun-hating bitch she was.

"NO!" she yelled back excitedly, as she should. God, I fucking LOVE Cards against Humanity!

With that, she pulled the first black card out, and asked the question.

"I have BLANK in my BLANK!" Oh god, this is gonna be a funny fucking round.

All of Pinkie's friends threw their cards in. Pinkie was quaking with excitement. She loved seeing what funny combinations her friends came up with.

Rarity finally played her cards, and Pinkie excitedly swooped up the first pair.

"I have The Jews in my Oven," Pinkie giggled, then burst out laughing. Jesus, how fucking funny is that? The Jews in my Oven! Holocaust jokes! Hilarious! Comedy Gold! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Sorry, I was just laughing at that funny joke.

Next pair.

"I have a penis in my toaster," Pinkie giggled, then burst out laughing. Jesus, how fucking funny is that? A penis in a toaster! Crude sexual humour! Hilarious! Comedy Gold! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Sorry, I was just laughing at that funny joke.

Next pair.

"I have Jet Fuel in my Steel Beams," Pinkie giggled, then burst out laughing. Jesus, how fucking funny is that? Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams! That shitty joke isn't dead! Hilarious! Comedy Gold! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Sorry, I was just laughing at that funny joke.

Next pair.

"I have Doritos in my Mountain Dew," Pinkie giggled, then burst out laughing. Jesus, how fucking funny is that? Montage parodies aren't total fucking cancer! Hilarious! Comedy Gold! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Sorry, I was just laughing at that funny joke.

Finally, Rarity had had enough.

"You know what Pinkie? I refuse to play this stupid game any more!" she said, the fun-hating cunt.

"Aww but why?"

"You want to know why?! Because every fucking time we play this miserable excuse for a fucking party game, we get the exact same unfunny fucking jokes! Oh, Jews! Oh, montage parodies! Oh, crude sexual humour! It's **NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE!** "

And with that, she slammed the door.

"Wow, is she on her period or what?" Pinkie giggled, then burst out laughing. Jesus, how fucking funny is that? Periods! The menstrual cycle! A perfectly normal biological function of human females! Hilarious! Comedy Gold! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Sorry, I just can't do this anymore. I'm just SO fucking funny! This game, it's fucking funny.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Cards Against Humanity is only funny for so long.


	14. Fallout Equestria - The Nuclear Gangbang

Chapter 14: Fallout (Boy): Equestria - The Nuclear Gangbang (Guest Chapter)

AN: This was written by my friend Dark Avenger, check him out on FIMFic. I won't provide a link because fuck going to that shitty site.

 _War. War never changes. Except this one time a bunch of ponies stopped having tea parties and decided to nuke each other. That changed everything because almost everyone was fucking dead. Too bad. But war never stopped because it's in our blood and we keep doing it and friendship is over and bla bla bla bla..._

 _Anyway, this is the bit where the author says some "deep" and "philosophical" bullshit to convince everyone that he's smart and not retarded like anyone who reads this. But noone actually gives a shit because they just want to read all the cool action and edginess, so they skip ahead._

 _If you actually bothered to read this, congrats! You don't have ADD. You're just a regular loser._

 _Fuck you._

* * *

Unlikely Hero walked down the metal corridor of Stable 69 (lol geddit?), passing a couple who argued who had to make a blood sacrifice tonight.

"Like, no way! I gave twelve pints of blood this month!"

"Waaay! You're just trying to make up excuses."

"Shut up bitch before I rape you again!"

"Promise~?"

It had to be this way, because this stable was designed to be "metal as fuck", so every day they had to pour a pint of blood into the generator, or it would wake up and eat all the babies. That was Unlikely Hero's job, by the way: collect the blood. And if someone disobeyed, they got beaten up and raped. Such was life in the Wasteland.

After eavesdropping for a while, Unlikely Hero scoffed and kept moving. Of course, "Unlikely Hero" wasn't his real name; he changed it since he felt his given name of "Totallynot Foreshadowing" sounded too lame. He also wasn't really a "he", not since she realized that her true inner self was female, though thankfully his past (wrong) self was homosexual, so once all the magic-shmagic could be done on [s]his[/s] her body, she could embrace the form that was meant for her and find a nice cock for herself so we can have sex scenes in the fic too.

If only her parents could understand.

 _"_ _Oh my Celestia, Mom!"_ she would scream. _"Can't you just let it go and accept me for who I am on the inside instead?"_

 _"_ _On the inside? You mean 'a worthless piece of shit'?"_ they'd reply. _"I can't believe I spawned a faggot who wants to change genders. I am being totally intolerant for edginess reasons right now."_

 _"_ _I hate you both! I wish you'd both die! I WILL LET YOU DOWN, I WILL MAKE YOU HURT!"_

Yeah, that didn't go well. But still, thank goodness that brony authors make sure to discuss these serious issues using horses that can talk.

Anyway, this was just another ordinary day for our hero, at least until she walked into the doctor's office to find out why her tummy hurt and her turds smelled like chloroform.

"You are a carrier for Type 4 Lauren Faust syndrome," the doctor said.

"Good heavens!" she replied. "What's that mean?"

"In 2 days, you start shouting unfunny memes non-stop, and everyone around you bleeds to death through their genitals."

"Oh no, I guess it's time to leave the stable then."

"The door is locked, you stupid cunt. How do you plan on getting out?"

"FUCK YOU!"

Unlikely Hero grabbed a wrench and bashed the doctor's head in. An alarm went off, and she realized it was time to tits or GTFO. Since she didn't have tits (that would be disgusting, you fucking pervert), she went for option #2.

After fighting her way through all the guards and idiot friends that tried to stop her, she opened the door somehow (I won't tell, make up some theories) and found herself on the surface, expecting lush green fields, blue skies, and magic rainbows.

But no! Equestria is different now! There's radiation and dead ponies everywhere, and everyone who's left alive is trying to kill you and eat your brains or guts or whatever! The very first thing that happens is Unlikely Hero being attacked by a group of crazy ponies. She screams "rape," but the one thing that doesn't "come" that day is help.

After spending a few weeks as a sex slave, Unlikely Hero uses all the exp she gained to max out her stats. With all the rage she has from getting pegged every day, she breaks out, all the scrubs die in her path, and she becomes this big hero that rescues all the babies and ladies that cry for help. She doesn't even ask for a reward, except when she's horny and wants to fuck the nearest moving object.

Sexual content is the edgiest of them all.

One day, after saving both Ponytown _and_ Hoof City, she runs into a hot stud named "Convenient Sidekick", who becomes the first of her many many companions along her neverending journey. Because it never does fucking end, why do you think you have 74 unread chapters left?

Let's see how an average conversation goes down between them.

"OH NO, COMPANION!" Hero screamed. "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME? I'M A MONSTER!"

"No you're not!" Companion said. "You just had another psychotic episode, that's all."

"I don't get it! Why can't I stop killing ponies because I got a flagpole shoved up my ass on my first day in da hood? I think every flagpole is triggering me now!"

Companion says nothing. They've been teasing it for three chapters now, so it was time to make his move. He leans against her, pulls her into a hug, and whispers in her ear.

"Tell ya what: let's have some sex again. That should cure your PTSD or schizophrenia or flu or whatever its called…"

"Okie-dokie-loki."

And then they had sex. Fade to black because clop is fucking disgusting.

* * *

 _The chapter is over now. This is the part where I ask you to donate to my and . I will continue to do so for 100+ chapters until I finish with a shit ending._

 _Bronies are cunts, and fanfics are garbage. Stop reading them._


	15. You Suffer (songfic)

Chapter 15: You Suffer Songfic

Fluttershy suffered, but why?


	16. Bad Music for Bad People

Chapter 16: Bad Music For Bad People

Hey, people reading, my name is Jason Jones (oh shit, that's my real name. Damn, I guess you guys know who harpseal2 is now). I'm 21 years old, and I've been stuck in Equestria for a while now. I know, life's pretty weird now. I'm living with Twilight, my favourite pony, in her super huge castle, which is pretty cool. I sleep in her bed, and sometimes we fuck, I mean, nothing special or anything here. Nothing weird about interspecies sex with an equine. It's really great, I love living here. It's even better than being in the real world!

I mean, everyone likes me, and they think I'm totally cool. Except Rainbow Dash, who's a fucking bitch. She hates me for like no reason, she just hated me out of the blue, just like I did, apparently. I know, right? I'm not a fucking shallow Mary-Sue of a character or anything, because.

Anyway, good news I guess. She figured out a spell to recharge my iPhone. When she gets all her friends around, I'm gonna play them some music. They're gonna love it.

Twilight's friends gathered around me, as my iPhone turned on. They were shocked and amazed, except for Rainbow Dash, that fucking asshole. God, I hate her. Easily the worst character in the show and in this fic. This is in no way related to how much I dislike her in the show or anything.

"Boore-ring!" she said in her annoying voice, "Just play us some music already, dude I hate for absolutely no reason apart from the fact that you dislike my character in the show, and since you're an autist fuck who created an awful Gary Stu, that means that I need to hate you."

"Give it a minute you impatient whore!" I said.

All the other girls nodded their heads, and shushed her. Yep, that's right, even they hate her in this fic, which has NOTHING to do with how I actually feel about her at all. Nope, not one bit.

My iPod came to life, and I unlocked it. My background was a troll face. Damn, that's awesome.

"What is that?" Rainbow Dash whined like a bitch.

"It's a meme, you dip."

I adjusted my fedora.

I picked the "music" app. Hmm, what should I play for the girls?

I saw the name NOFX, and I thought, yes, they'd love it!

I picked my favourite album, War on Errorism, and I picked the only song I've heard from them, Franco Unamerican.

The music started.

"...umm," Twilight said, "This is total shit."

"Yeah," Rarity agreed, "What the fuck is this even supposed to be?"

"Not music," Fluttershy chimed in, "That's certainly the case."

Spaghetti fell from my pockets.

"Hey, this is kinda good!" Dash said.

"FUCK YOU!" I said to Rainbow Dash.

"I can't believe I prepared a party for this!" Pinkie said.

"Ah can't believe how terrible this shit is!" Applejack said.

Everyone started walking out, except for Rainbow Dash, who wanted to torment me like the snivelling little shit she is.

"NoooooO!" I said, my voice cracking like the fat, pathetic manchild I am.

Spaghetti fell from my pockets. My fedora rolled off my head.

"Damn, you're fucking pathetic," Dash said, following her friends out.

I pulled my handy gun out of my pocket (I love the second amendment!) and I shot myself in the fucking face.

AN: Idea from AkaRock, a good friend of mine from FIMFic. He also doesn't use that shitty site anymore so I won't link his profile.


	17. Sgt Scootaloo 2: Revenge of the Muslims

Chapter 17: Sgt. Scootaloo, Seal Team Alpha Romeo 6 Two: Revenge of The Illuminati Reptilian Muslims and their Gay Agenda

0420 hours.

Scootaloo stood tall for a short horse, on a mountain which was quite a bit taller than her I guess. I dunno, do I look like a fucking scientist to you? The mountain was snowy and it was cold and dark, but Scootaloo had been specially trained in all fifty of her fucking military groups to withstand and endure such pain. The wind struck the young horse, but she kept moving on up the mountain. She was on a very important mission.

Anyway, she pulled out her pair of DMM Apex Axe Ice Picks, like the ones in that one mission in Black Ops, from her Free Knight Military Style 3 Day MOLLE Backpack, and she climbed the snowy mountain. She knew the enemy was inside. She was wearing her Yukon 1x24 NV Tracker Night Vision Goggles, but only just now activated them, because it was dark.

"Where are you, you reptilians?" she said to herself.

She was certain that the reptilian scum who run Ameri-shit I mean Equestria lived in here. A cold-blooded creature would live in a cold place. These communists were destroying the American way of life, by trying to introduce gun control. Gun control doesn't work. Everyone knows that. Come on, name the fucking countries where it fucking works? Apart from Australia, England, a majority of other European countries, pretty much everywhere fucking else in the world apart from the US apparently. But we are SMART people, unlike everyone else, so we don't NEED gun control! After all, without guns, people are just gonna use knives, which are much less dangerous, much easier to survive, and much harder to kill multiple people with, unlike a gun. But you dumbass commies miss the point!

She kept using her DMM Apex Axe Ice Picks to ascend the mountain. She was sure the reptilians were hiding somewhere nearby. Suddenly, her left DMM Apex Axe Ice Pick struck solid metal.

"Ha! I've found you now, you muslim sympathising scum!"

Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. She looked at her Rolex Cosmograph Daytona Oyster 40 mm steel and yellow gold wrist-watch, which was partially scratched from last time she had it on. It read 4:20 AM. Perfect timing.

She rubbed the snow from the door with her hoof. It read;

ILLUMINATI REPTILE COMMUNIST HEADQUARTERS

DONT COME IN UNLESS YOU HATE AME-EQUESTRIA SHIT WHY DO I ALWAYS FORGET FUCKING HELL

Shit, caps. Sorry

She smirked, holding her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol in one hoof, while holding the handle to the door in the other.

Alright, I gotta take a shit. I'll be back in a second.

She pulled open the door, and climbed in.

Several reptilian guards, who were wearing turbans like their sandhead brothers in the first one, turned their Izhmash AK-47 7.62x39mm Caliber Fully Automatic Assault Rifles towards Scootaloo, making her stop.

"Ah hah hah! We were… expecting you missus Scootaloo!" the cold-blooded fuck said, "You killed our brethren in Iraq or wherever the fuck it was in the first one."

"I will kill you, as I killed them!"

"Not if we kill you first, you bitch."

7.62 bullets started flying from all over. Scootaloo slid across the ground to behind some boxes. She hastily pulled out her FN P90 9×19mm Parabellum Caliber Fully Automatic Personal Defense Weapon from her Free Knight Military Style 3 Day MOLLE Backpack.

"Eat lead, you Am-Equestria hating fuckers!"

She shot a lot of bullets and a lot of people fucking died. She was hit in the chest by the gunfire of a now-dead reptilian. She wheezed, as she was protected by her DuPont Fiber KM2 Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, and wasn't hit.

She stood in the room full of dead reptilians, and smiled.

"If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying," she said.

She went to ru- shit, mom called me. We have dinner. What a ridiculous social construct. Obviously made by Jewish anti-Americans. We go to bed later, and I usually order a dozen McDonalds Big Macs with a side of fries and a jumbo cola at midnight anyway. Fucking jews ruin everything. FUCK, SHUT UP MOM! Right, gotta go.

She wandered down a hallway, and saw Hillary Clinton, the anti-American candidate!

"It was you!"

"You'll never get me, you little shit," she screamed at Scootaloo, before running away.

She followed after, but as she turned a corner, another lot of muslim reptilians found her!

She raised her FN P90 9×19mm Parabellum Caliber Fully Automatic Personal Defense Weapon and shot them. They died.

She kept running after Hillary Clinton. She found a locked door, which had a note written on it;

TOP SECRET ANTI AMERICAN fuck I mean fucking EQUESTRIAN COMMUNIST GAY AGENDA PLANNING ROOM

She was fuming. She pulled out her GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun to bust through that fucking door, just like that FPS Russia video. Come on, you little dickheads have to have seen it. FUCKING WATCH IT!

She kicked the door open. Hillary Clinton was huddled in a corner. Suddenly, she noticed…

Her face was lying on the ground! It was a PLASTIC MASK!

SHE WAS A REPTILIAN MUSLIM ANTI EQUESTRIAN SHIT FUCK YES FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME I GOT IT RIGHT YES ILLUMINATI GAY LOVING SHIT!

"My god! Just as I suspected!"

"NOW YOU KNOW, YOU MUST DIE!"

"Not today!"

She pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster, and shot her in the fucking face. She died.

Scootaloo walked out, but soon noticed an army of reptilians following her. She killed their leader, and since they were mindless muslim sheep, they had no cognitive thought.

Scootaloo ran out and jumped into the Lockheed AC-130 Spectre Air-To-Ground Heavily Armoured Airship. She sighed happily, as the guns started pointing towards the mountain. A lot of fucking bullets blew the fucking shit out of the mountain.

"Today was a huge success, but the only easy day was yesterday!"


	18. The Chapter Involving Dash And Shy

Chapter 18: The Chapter In Which Rainbow Dash And Fluttershy Engage In Consensual Carnal Knowledge Within The Current Residence Of Fluttershy.

The day was warm and sunny due to the presence of the sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found, in the sky. Due to the sun's presence in the sky, the day was warm and sunny. The sun loomed over the Earth, but specifically the village of Ponyville, which had the sun looming over it, therefore making the day very warm and sunny. You could even say it was hot and bright due to the presence of the sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found, in the sky, but it would be best if we simply referred to the day as warm and sunny due to the presence of the sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found, in the sky.

Fluttershy wondered outside of her cottage which was in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, and stretched. She raised her large horse buttocks into the sky above, facing towards the sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found. It were voluptuous and smooth, akin to that of a foal's bottom. Her beautiful vulva, attached to her aforementioned voluptuous rectum that were as smooth as a foal's bottom, was bathed in the sunlight of the Sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found.

She looked up, and saw her friend Rainbow Dash fawning upon her aforementioned voluptuous rectum that were as smooth as a foal's bottom, was bathed in the sunlight of the Sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found, from upon a large, pillowy cloud. She blushed slightly, while calling out to embarrass her friend named Rainbow Dash.

"Oh Rainbow Dash, the pegasus pony, I noticed that you are staring at my behind, you little pervert," she said, teasingly, "this greatly disturbs my personal comfort, and I would appreciate your co-operation if you used your muscular wings to levitate down from the cloud mass which you were hidden by and apologise to me."

"Oh drat, it appears my cover from behind this cloud mass has been blown. I will now use my muscular wings to levitate down from the cloud mass which I am hidden behind and I will converse with you with the purpose of apologising for invading your personal comfort, Fluttershy," Rainbow replied, upon noticing that her cover had been blown.

The pegasus pony with rainbow hair and a sky blue coat, also known as Rainbow Dash, left from behind the cloud mass she was hidden behind and approached the ground at high velocity, before stopping gently and smoothly in front of the pegasus pony with pink hair and a yellow coat, also known as Fluttershy, with the purpose of apologising to the deuteragonist of this fanfiction, the pegasus pony with pink hair and a yellow coat, also known as Fluttershy, for the unwarranted invasion of the pegasus pony's with pink hair and a yellow coat, also known as Fluttershy, personal comfort.

"Oh dear, my friend Fluttershy. I apologise for causing you personal discomfort with my voyeuristic personality. I promise that I will not cause you personal discomfort with my voyeuristic personality again."

"I accept your apology for causing me personal discomfort with your voyeuristic personality, Rainbow Dash, my friend."

"Say, Fluttershy, have you noticed that due to the sun's current position in the sky, it is quite warm and sunny?" Rainbow Dash questioned Fluttershy regarding the warm and sunny day.

"Yes, my dear friend Rainbow Dash, I have noticed that due to the sun's current position in the sky, it is quite warm and sunny," Fluttershy replied in regards to the warm sunny day that Rainbow Dash had been discussing with her.

"Would you like to use your hooves to wander inside into my current residence, which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, for some tea and biscuits?" Fluttershy asked, inviting her friend to have some tea and biscuits in her current residence which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter.

"Why yes, Fluttershy I would indeed like to use my hooves to wander inside into your current residence, which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, for some tea and biscuits. However, I have a serious allergic reaction to the materials contained within biscuits, so unfortunately, I will only be able to use my hooves to wander inside into your current residence, which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, for some tea." Rainbow Dash replied, confirming that she would indeed wander inside into Fluttershy's current residence, which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, for some tea, but she would not wander inside into Fluttershy's current residence, which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, for some tea _and_ biscuits.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash used their hooves to wander inside into Fluttershy's current residence, which is a cottage in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, for some tea and biscuits, except in Rainbow Dash's case, because she could not eat the biscuits, due to a possible allergic reaction to the ingredients used in biscuits, therefore meaning she could only have tea. Sadness was abound.

Fluttershy walked into her kitchen, in her cottage, which is in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter. I should stop doing this now. She placed a kettle upon the stove, and turned the stove on, to heat up the kettle, to make the kettle heat up, to create tea with hot water in the kettle, which needed to be heated on the stove to create the tea. She placed the tea bags inside two ceramic cups. The kettle whistled, signifying to Fluttershy that the kettle had been heated, and therefore the water in the kettle must have been hot, so therefore Fluttershy grabbed the kettle and poured water into the two cups.

Eventually, after much preparation, the pegasus pony with pink hair and a yellow coat named Fluttershy, walked into the room with the two cups of tea that she was holding. How she was holding them, I cannot explain within the confines of this chapter. Shut your mouth and read the fucking story.

The deuteragonist, another pegasus pony with rainbow hair and a sky blue coat named Rainbow Dash took the cup from the protagonist, the original pegasus pony with pink hair and a yellow coat named Fluttershy. She took a small sip from the tea, but alas, it had burnt her mouth. This is due to the fact that the water was scalding as it had been heated through the use of a kettle. However, this hot water releases the necessary flavours contained within the tea bags, and therefore, allows the substance known as tea to be created and enjoyed by a wide variety of people.

"Oh Rainbow Dash you know the water is scalding as it has been heated through the use of a kettle. However, this hot water releases the necessary flavours contained within the tea bags, and therefore, allows the substance known as tea to be created and enjoyed by a wide variety of people," Fluttershy said, explaining the extremely in depth way in which tea is created.

"Thank you for informing me of the scalding water contained within the confines of this ceramic cup from which I can drink this substance known as tea, which was created through the wonders of modern technology, and the use of a kettle," Rainbow Dash thanked Fluttershy, the protagonist of this chapter of this fanfiction of the TV series, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

"Now Rainbow Dash, I am seriously questioning your ulterior motive which was made extremely fucking clear in the introduction of this fanfiction, in which you invaded my personal comfort through your voyeuristic personality, by staring at my behind, and my exposed genitals, due to the fact that we do not commonly wear clothes, except in extraordinary circumstances and important events which we would be invited to attend." Fluttershy address the issue of Rainbow Dash invading her personal comfort through her voyeuristic personality, as she was staring at Fluttershy's behind, and her exposed genitals, due to the fact that they do not commonly wear clothes, except in extraordinary circumstances and important events which they would have been invited to attend to.

"I liked looking at your ass, dude," Rainbow Dash said, totally missing the entire fucking tone of the great majority of this fanfiction before.

"Rainbow Dash! You spoke in such uncouth terms, so unlike the extremely verbose and annoying manner that the author has adopted for a funny joke fanfiction, and therefore forced us two characters within the story to adopt," Fluttershy said, describing the manner in which the author adopted an extremely verbose manner of writing for a joke within his collection of witty, sarcastic works, also known as Bad Stories For Bad People.

If you enjoy the stories contained within this fanfiction, you should pick up the author's new book, "Bad Stories For Bad People", it's sequel "Badder Stories For Badder People", the film adaption "Bad Movies For Bad People", and of course, the official soundtrack, "Bad Music For Bad People". Available at all good bookstores, movie stores, and recording stores across the continents of North America, Canada, Europe, and Australia, or online at the author's website,  . /shop. If you pay $5 more on everything, I, the author, will personally sign your new quality product from Bad Companies For Bad People. You can pick a special option, Bad Shipping For Bad People, and receive your brand new product through Bad Deliveries For Bad People. This was brought to you by Bad International Corporate Conglomerates For Bad People. Made in a Bad Country (Australia) by a Bad Person (me). Authorised by the Bad Government For Bad People, Australia.

Back to the story after a short advertisement break from our sponsors.

"Fluttershy, I do not enjoy this extreme pussyfooting and cuckoldery you are creating for me, as it is clear that my motives are sexual, and it would greatly please me to engage in carnal knowledge with you."

"Well, Rainbow Dash, I must reveal another grand secret that I have been hiding, due to my extreme cuckoldery I have created for you; I am also willing to engage in the act of carnal knowledge, to which we should get started."

"I am very pleased to hear this. Let me rectify the situation of cuckoldry I have been placed into by engaging in carnal knowledge."

The two ponies used their hooves to run up the staircase of Fluttershy's cottage, which was in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, and they entered the bedroom in Fluttershy's cottage, which was in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter, and they entered the bed, which was in Fluttershy's bedroom, which was in her cottage, which was in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter. Rainbow Dash started engaging in the act of kissing with the yellow-coated pegasus, known as Fluttershy, the protagonist of this story.

"Oh, baby, please do continue in engaging in the act of kissing with me, Fluttershy, as I am finding that act rather enjoyable," Fluttershy said, asking Rainbow Dash to continue the act of kissing with her, as she was finding the entire thing enjoyable.

"I will oblige your wishes and engage in the act of kissing for an extended period of time, which you will surely enjoy," Rainbow Dash said, fulfilling the wishes of Fluttershy, who had asked for the act of kissing to continue for an extended period of time, which she was hoping for.

"I am very much enjoying this sensual act," Fluttershy said.

"That line was far too short to belong in this lengthy chapter of this story, purposely written in verbose, with characters often breaking the fourth wall, which is what I am currently doing," Rainbow Dash said, noticing the relative short length of that line in comparison to the rest of the fanfiction, purposely written in verbose, with characters often breaking the fourth wall, an act she was committing during her speech.

"I apologise for my line being far too short in this lengthy chapter of the story, Bad Stories For Bad People, which is named The Chapter Of The Story "Bad Stories For Bad People", Written By The Author harpseal2, Which Is Hosted On The Site In Which Two Of The Main Cast Of The Children's TV Series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Specifically The Characters Rainbow Dash And Fluttershy, Engage In Consensual Carnal Knowledge Within The Current Residence Of The Character Known As Fluttershy, One Of The Main Characters Within The Children's TV Series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Of Which The Secondary Character, Also Known As Rainbow Dash, Is Also A Main Character In," she said, with great sadness in her voice upon realising the grave mistake she had committed. Surely, the author will stop using her in this shitty fanfic as punishment. Oh, she could only hope.

But alas, I'm not going to stop using her in this fucking terrible fic. A fate worse than the loss of life, also known as death.

The two continued engaging in the act of kissing. Their kissing was complex, and extremely passionate and sensual. The two obviously loved each other very much.

The time has come. We have been waiting for over 2500 words for this moment. Yes, in this very moment, we will witness the act of carnal knowledge, committed consensually by two characters, a yellow-coated pegasus with soft, pink hair, known as Fluttershy, who is the protagonist of the story, and her friend, a sky blue coated pegasus with rainbow hair, named Rainbow Dash, who serves as the deuteragonist with a voyeuristic personality which created personal discomfort in Fluttershy, from the children's television series, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, within the chapter named The Chapter Of The Story "Bad Stories For Bad People", Written By The Author harpseal2, Which Is Hosted On The Site In Which Two Of The Main Cast Of The Children's TV Series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Specifically The Characters Rainbow Dash And Fluttershy, Engage In Consensual Carnal Knowledge Within The Current Residence Of The Character Known As Fluttershy, One Of The Main Characters Within The Children's TV Series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Of Which The Secondary Character, Also Known As Rainbow Dash, Is Also A Main Character In, within the fanfiction Bad Stories For Bad People by the author named harpseal2, hosted on the site named . On this day that was warm and sunny due to the presence of the sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found, in the sky and due to the sun's presence in the sky, the day which was warm and sunny, we will see our two characters engage in carnal knowledge in the bed, which was in Fluttershy's bedroom, which was in her cottage, which was in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter. Yes, you read that right. On this day that was warm and sunny due to the presence of the sun, a significant star in the Solar System in which Earth can be found, in the sky and due to the sun's presence in the sky, the day which was warm and sunny, we will see Fluttershy, the protagonist, and Rainbow Dash, the deuteragonist, engage in carnal knowledge in the bed, which was in Fluttershy's bedroom, which was in her cottage, which was in Ponyville, which is in Equestria, which is presumably set on the planet Earth, which is within a local solar system, which is within The Milky Way galaxy, which is in the Local Cluster, which is in the Local Supercluster, which is in the observable universe, which is surrounded by dark matter and antimatter. It's happening here folks.

They fucked.

The end.


	19. The Life and Times of a Shitty Clopfic

Chapter 19: The Life And Times Of A Shitty Clopfic

It was a light Sunday afternoon. Yep, it was alright. You think I'm fuckin' joking? You wanna take it up with me you fucking prick?

Pinkie Pie walked outside and watered some flowers or whatever. Suddenly, she thought, totally randomly, so this is in character, right

"Fuck, I wanna suck a huge dick."

Shit, she's fucking insane.

She ran after the first stallion she saw. His name was Whothe Fuckcares. He wanted to get away, but Pinkie grabbed that faggot and literally fucked him right there. Shit, lemme adjust my fedora. Usually, I'd make a huge long point about how she's raping men, and how this is an infringement on men's right *tip*, but I'm too busy beating off right now.

She had not had enough dick. Holy fuck she had not.

She ran to Rarity.

"Rarity grow a fucking dick thanks."

"Okay."

Pinkie was getting fucked and stuff

Shit I actually cannot be fucked writing anymore. Let's just wait for this to get featured while I look up Rainbow Dash x 2 rottweilers on rule 34.

AN: This was based on a featured story but I forgot which one it was based on. Basically fuck featured stories.


	20. Sgt Scootaloo 3: The Final Insult

Chapter 20: Sgt Scootaloo, Seal Team Alpha Romeo 6 Three and Seven Eighths: The Final Insult (to the entire Islamic religion)

1242 hours.

Scootaloo stood within the heavy jungles of Africa. She had her Gerber Hunting Camping Survival Senior Gator Machete Knife 31-000758 out, and she was hacking away at the foliage of the forest. This was Scootaloo's final mission as a Sergeant. She would be promoted to Captain at the end of this tour of duty.

One last mission for her, and she would forever be a hero for the cause. She would have wiped out the Muslim menace threatening our wonderful country called Amer-Equestria I literally can NEVER FUCKING TYPE IT FUCK YOU.

She took one final swipe at the Plantae Pteridophyta Pteridopsida Cyatheales in front of her, to reveal a small opening in the forest. Light shone from the canopy layer, and onto a small wooden hut. She squinted.

"Hmmm… this is where those fucking terrorists are."

Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. Ahh, her trusty Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol. It's never let her down. The muslims she's killed with it.

She walked inside the little hut. Suddenly, a trap door opening. It was a trap! Typical back stabbing Muslim cunts.

She landed, and she blacked out.

Upon awakening, she noticed she was tied to a IKEA Kungsvik sand Börje Chair with Syneco 4mm x 20m Polypropylene Rope. She struggled, to no avail. Suddenly, a Philips LED Light Globe 5.5W Warm White lit up, and she could see clearly.

Several Muslim men stood around her, holding Izhmash AK-47 7.62x39mm Caliber Fully Automatic Assault Rifles. One approached her.

"Well, missus Scootaloo, it appears you've gotten yourself tied up in a little mess."

"That's Sergeant Scootaloo to you, you fucking anti-Americ-EQUESTRIAN cunt."

"Too bad, because you will die!"

The muslims pointed their guns at her.

Drat, she thought, looks like I am fucked.

"Any last words?"

"Allah isn't real, the holocaust didn't happen, 9/11 was a hoax, God bless the 2nd Amendment. Wake up, sheeple."

"I wish I didn't as-"

BAM! And the Muslim is gone!

Scootaloo had managed to escape from the loosely tied Syneco 4mm x 20m Polypropylene Rope. Typical Muslims, too fucking lazy to tie up a fucking chair properly. She threw the IKEA Kungsvik sand Börje Chair at the Muslim. It hit him and he died, I guess. It'd hurt a lot.

She hid behind the Muslim's corpse as bullets started flying. Desperately, she pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster, and started shooting at the Muslims.

They died.

She snuck through a Hume Doors & Timber Chic Artisan Oak Interior Door into a long, dark hallway. Speaking of dark, you know what I'm sick of? Niggers. Stop complaining about how you need "more rights" and how you are "racially profiled". You're just a bunch of whiney freaks who need to grow some balls. You niggers were fucking slaves back in the good old days, so stop fucking complaining! What the fuck is wrong with minorities these days, thinking they can be "equal" to the obviously-superior white race? Don't make me come after you with my Colt M16A3 Select-fire 5.56 Cal Assault Rifle with a custom Rainbow Dash themed paint job!

She went through the halls of the bunker, looking for her target.

She finally saw it, written on a Hume Doors & Timber Chic Artisan Oak Interior Door.

OSAMA BIN LADEN'S HIDEOUT

NO AM-EQUESTRIANS (or girls) ALLOWED

"Well, it seems that I am a girl, and I am Americ-EQUESTRIAN FUCKING HELL, but I'm still going in!"

She kicked the door open, and pointed her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol at a Leather Chesterfield Nadia Office Chair. The Leather Chesterfield Nadia Office Chair slowly turned, revealing the bearded figure of OSAMA BIN LADEN.

"Well, it appears you have found me, Mrs. Scootaloo," Osama said.

"That's Sgt. Scootaloo to you, Osama," Scootaloo said with a wheeze.

"It does not matter what I call you… as you WILL DIE!" Osama said, pulling out a Heckler & Koch 14702BK Entourage AUTO 3.74" Black Plain Drop Point Blade Aluminum Handled Knife and throwing it into Scootaloo's stomach.

She fell over, gasping in pain.

"I have won, Mrs. Scootaloo! MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! America- FUCK I FUCKING MEAN EQUESTRIA FUCKING SHIT FUCK is doomed!"

"Not today, you Muslim faggot!" Scootaloo said.

She raised her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol at him and fired. It hit him in the head. He died.

"I have saved Americ-EQUESTRIA FOR FUCKS SAKE, but at the cost of my own life. I would gladly die again for this country."

Suddenly, Captain Big Mac picked her up.

"We have a Code 42069911, Ah repeat, we had a code 42069911. Requestin' an airlift."

"Oh thank you Cpt. Big Mac!"

"That's what friends are for, lil' Sgt. Scootaloo."

He carried her out of the dungeon, where there was a Boeing Twin Engine Tandem Rotor CH-47 Chinook Heavy Lift Helicopter waiting for them. Captain Big Mac carried Scootaloo inside, and placed her on a medical bed. The Boeing Twin Engine Tandem Rotor CH-47 Chinook Heavy Lift Helicopter lifted off and flew away, back to America FUCKING SHIT I MEAN EQUESTRIA FOR FUCKING FUCK SAKE FUCK THIS FUCK FUCK FUUUUCK!

There was a huge ceremony, and all of Scootaloo's friends were there. She stood proudly atop a podium, as Captain Big Mac pinned the new badge to her jacket. She saluted Big Mac, and in return, he saluted back.

She trotted to the microphone, and began her speech.

"It's been a great honour serving my country which I always fuck up typing. I'd like to thank George Washington for writing the Bill of Rights, especially the second amendment. I'd like to thank the creator of slavery, which was a great thing. I'd like to thank Hitler, for trying to wipe out the filthy Jewish race. Thank you."


	21. Twilight's Castle is Full of Shitty Puns

Chapter 22: Twilight's Entire Fucking Castle Is Full Of Shitty Unfunny Jokes

Twilight woke up, and stepped outta bed, and guess fuckin' what?

Mate, you fuckin' guessed it.

Semen.

Everywhere.

I'm not even joking mate, I revealed the only gag in this shitty 1000 word fic in the title.

There's semen, in her house. Holy fuck, I am hilarious. Please get me featured.

Jokes, I actually meant SEAMEN! XD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lol, get me featured, I am SO random, xD.

Semen.

AN: I can't believe I'm doing this again.

Based on  story/276173/twilights-room-is-flooded-with-seamen


	22. You Can Lead A Pony To Autism

Chapter 21: You Can Lead A Pony To Autism

Dear diary #169,

Ugh, im STUCK in EUQESTRIA, dude. my fukken poni ROOMmate named RAINBOW DASSH saies "I'm a pathetic piece of shit", dude, like FRICK OFF, dont be mean

i was just hotboxing mi room and mi tendies were redy, and shi scremed at mi and cauled me a naughty word so i sodomised her wonderbolts doll, and she literally smaked mi nuts with a cricket bat

owee

im de onle humen in euqtesirua, so all the horses wnat t2 fuck my sexy hairless ape body ;) xcept rainB dash who is gay and likes lesbian hors

wqhut a fag god gays are shit praise jesus

so anYway i went out wif mi grrl friend named pink and shi had s3x with mi, wi held hnds nd kissed, now babby be made :) :)

thnks for listenin diary, today was a 69/100

AN: Based on story/275794/you-can-lead-a-pony-to-water


	23. Cause I Have Autism, Silly!

Chapter 23: 'Cause I Have Autism, Silly!

You talk to Pinkie Pie.

"Hello," you say.

"Hey sexy," Pinkie says, out of character. Haha, what character?

"Oh shit" you say, spaghetti meatballs falling from your pockets.

"What's wrong Mr. sexy man I've never met," she says.

"I have crippling autism and I need to die," you say.

Pinkie laughs, and gives you a blowjob.

There, I fulfilled your fantasy of fucking a horse, you freak.

AN:  story/275017/cause-i-like-you-silly


	24. Less Talk, More Rock

Chapter 24: Less Talk, More Rock

AN: This was originally posted on the 1st of August, 2013. It was my very first fanfic. Before its deletion, it had 4 likes and 20 dislikes. There are some small edits, but otherwise this is as it was.

"This story sucks, just like ska"

It was a beautiful, sunny day in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash had finished her work for the day and she rushed to meet her friend, the timid Fluttershy. She was listening to the new album that her capitalist mother brought from the local Little W, on her iPod that her capitalist father, who is CEO at Ihatepoorponies Inc bought. The album was 21st Century Breakdown, by her favourite band, Green Day. She enjoyed her Pop-Punk quite a lot. Fluttershy didn't like Pop-Punk. Come to think of it, Rainbow Dash didn't know what she liked.

"She probably likes stupid classical music" Rainbow Dash thought as she flew her way down the street to her friend's house. Fluttershy was expecting her, and Rainbow knew that she was running a bit late, as per usual. She slowed to a stop right at her friend's doormat, and raised her hoof to knock on the door. The door opened before she could.

"Hello Rainbow! I'm so happy to see you!" Fluttershy squeaked enthusiastically.

"WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash yelled back, soon realizing she was still listening to her Pop-Punk. She turned the music off, and locked her iPod again.

"Sorry, 'shy, I forgot about my iPod." Rainbow apologized before stepping inside.

"It's alright, Rainbow. Would you like a drink?" Fluttershy responded, walking into her kitchen.

"Uh, a glass of water would do, thanks." Rainbow sat on the couch in Fluttershy's living room. It was well worn, as Rainbow would often visit Fluttershy. They had been best friends for a long time. Still, she didn't know what kind of music Fluttershy enjoyed. Maybe Fluttershy would enjoy the light-hearted, sappy, romantic, pop-punk music that I like, Rainbow Dash mused as Fluttershy walked into the room, holding two glasses of water.

"So, what were you listening to when you arrived, Dashie?" Fluttershy asked.

"Oh, I was just listening to 'East Jesus Nowhere' by Green Day. It's a really good song." Rainbow Dash replied.

Fluttershy twitched slightly when Rainbow Dash said this.

"That reminds me," Rainbow Dash continued, "What kind of music do you listen to? I've known you for so long, and I have NO idea what music you like."

"Oh... um..." Fluttershy muttered "It isn't very popular, I don't think you'd know much about it."

"C'mon 'shy," Dash encouraged her friend "I really wanna know."

"Oh well, uh..." Fluttershy continued "I enjoy all sorts of punk and metal, like Swans, Big Black, Shellac, I Spy, Slayer, Rapeman, Metallica, Earth, Minor Threat, Swallowing Shit, Morbid Angel, At The Gates, Fugazi, and Propagandhi."

The last few bands she named stuck with Rainbow.

"Propagandhi? More like Poopagandhi! Ha! What a stupid name!"

"Oh no..." Fluttershy said.

"Fugazi is an even dumber name! Hahaha!" Rainbow Dash was on the floor, laughing so hard, she almost choked, "What kind of a name is Big Black? Haha!" she continued, "More like At the GAYS! Hahaha!"

"Oh my Celestia, Rainbow," Fluttershy was aghast "You've really fucked up this time!"

Rainbow was shocked by what Fluttershy had said. She had never heard Fluttershy swear.

"Woah, what do you mean?" she questioned.

"Rainbow, you must take back what you said!" Fluttershy urged her friend.

"Or else what? Am I 'cursed'? Ha!" Rainbow Dash continued mocking her friend.

"Just you wait, Rainbow." Fluttershy whimpered, knowing her friend was far beyond help.

"Yeah, whatever," Rainbow gulped down the rest of her water, "Anyway, I gotta fly. See ya, Flutters!"

As Rainbow Dash walked out the door, Fluttershy broke down crying, knowing that her friend would never be the same. She was about to experience a true progressive thrashing.

The thunder boomed outside as the rain pitter-pattered on the window of Rainbow Dash's massive house, on her father's massive 100 acre property. After her capitalist dad tucked her in to her $20,000 king-sized bed with a satin duvet, he clapped his hooves together and the lights were quickly put out. Rainbow Dash stared at the walls, thinking about what Fluttershy had said. What was going to happen to her? Rainbow Dash, for the first time in her life, was actually worried. She shrugged it off as horsefeathers, and closed her eyes.

She heard a thump. She opened her eyes and looked around.

Nothing.

She heard a quiet hum, as if a song was playing at low volume

She saw shadows cast on the walls. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

The song started playing at full volume as the lights flickered on.

She saw two terrifying figures: Ian MacKaye and Todd Kowalski.

She screamed until her throat bled.

The curly haired man said, in his perfect grindcore voice, "Do you know who the fuck we are?!"

Rainbow Dash's face was a paler shade of cyan than usual. She answer with a weak and timid "N-n-noo..."

The curly haired man yelled, "I am Todd The Rod from Propagandhi, I Spy, and Swallowing Shit!"

The bald man said, "I'm Ian MacKaye, from Fugazi and Minor Threat."

Rainbow Dash cried. She was scared. A wet patch grew around her crotch.

"P-p-lease...d-d-d-on't...hurt me..." she whimpered pathetically "I-I take...it b-b-back..."

"Hahaha you pee'd yourself!" The Rod laughed. Ian looked on, amused by the pathetic pegasus.

Tears rolled down Rainbow Dash's cheeks. The Rod picked up her physical copy of 21st Century Breakdown and threw it on the ground with a force rivaled only by the Big Bang. The plastic case and whatever was inside of it was totally beyond saving. Ian pissed on her All Time Low album collection, as The Rod smashed his bass guitar into the remains of her Green Day album. She began to remember what her capitalist right-wing dad told her...

"Kill poor people."

No wait, not that.

"I hate those dumbass bleeding heart left-wing morons."

Not that either, dammit!

"Be brave, Rainbow, you're a big girl now."

Ahh, that's better

She mustered up enough courage to finally say...

"Uh...c-c-can you p-please...leave me alone?"

The Rod and Ian stared at her. Rainbow knew, for certain, that she was now absolutely, positively, utterly, progressively, hardcore fucked.

"Are you fucking serious?" they both asked in unison.

"Pl..ease, I'm-m sor-r-ry..." she cried out again.

"Shhhhhh...no tears," The Rod whispered into Dash's ear, "Only dreams now."

Rainbow seized up as she felt a hand touch her slit. She started crying harder. She knew what was going to happen to her. An hour ago, she was eating her favourite meal; Dead Baby Cow, otherwise known as veal, as if to disguise the real horror of what this capitalist family was eating, with a side of dead baby sheep, otherwise known as lamb, that was killed inhumanely, and were still barely alive when the knives cut them apart. Not twenty minutes ago, she was talking to her capitalist father about how Fluttershy has terrible taste in music, and how she listened to "stupid bleeding hearts in poopagandhi" and "angry homosexuals in fugazpee". Her father rubbed her rainbow mane and said something about how he was proud of her bigoted opinions that she had. Then, after Rainbow's father shot a poor, homeless pony with his new $2,000 rifle from his massive selection of 500 guns, he took her to bed and tucked his little brainwashed mindless filly in.

"Bite the pillow, woman," The Rod yelled, "I'm going in DRY!"

The Rod grunted as he pounded his rattan cane into Dash's tight butthole. She screamed in pain. The Rod soon found himself grindcoring against Rainbow Dash's sweet virgin capitalist asshole, which tightly held his rod inside it. Rainbow Dash begged for mercy, but The Rod was having none of that. He was just doing his job.

Rainbow Dash's entire life flashed before her eyes. From the moment she was born, she had lived a right-wing lifestyle, listening to what her parents said was 'ok' to listen to. Listening to her parents. Believing, in this bullshit system. She was seeing the light.

The Rod was still rubbing his rod inside the mare. Rainbow Dash started to enjoy the sexual experience. The Rod let out a fart that would make his bandmate The Jord jealous. Rainbow Dash sniffed in the beautiful stench. She wished she could fart right now. She liked farting.

The Rod was close. Dashie could tell. The Rod started yelling names like "Sacrifice!", "Cro-Mags!", "Corrosion of Conformity!", and "Millions of Dead Cops!". She felt The Rod blow his thrashload into her anal cavity. It was boiling hot, and she had burns around her asshole.

The Rod asked his friend, Ian, a question.

"Ian, why didn't you join in?"

"Jokes on you," Ian started "I still masturbated."

And all three of them laughed.

Rainbow Dash was a good little anarchist now. She would sit around and listen to Black Flag and Propagandhi records with Fluttershy, when she wasn't busy telling her parents they were fucking stupid or denouncing the capitalist lifestyle. Strangely enough, Fluttershy also experienced the progressive thrash experience from Ian and The Rod. Fluttershy and Rainbow shared their wonderful experiences together, and laughed. Rainbow Dash was a better pony now. She donated to the poor, and became a political activist for anarchist and left-wing causes, like a good, young, concerned citizen, who questions the idiots in authority.

And to this day, Rainbow Dash prays to The Rod every night, hoping for a good anal thrashing.

Sometimes, she gets it.


	25. Her Knight In Faded Autism

Chapter 25: Her Knight In Faded Autism

"Oh boy!" Luna said, running up the royal staircase, "I can't wait to be a useless piece of shit all day and play all these games!"

"Die," Celestia said.

Luna turned on her Alienware PC, modded the fuck out of. Like, not fucking kidding. She's got a fucking Nvidia GTX 6,000,000,000. It hasn't even been thought of until now! She went into the future or some fucking shit and yoinked it. It can run GTA V at the MAX. Fuck me, man. Ironic, because she stole it! That's some clever humour for clever people right there!

Let's ignore the fact that we've never even seen a computer in the MLP universe, besides the toy commercial that is Equestria Girls, let's KEEP WRITING!

She went on her favourite TF2 server, and saw a hot dude named "harpseal2". Man, he was funny, he was smart, he was sexy. She friended that hot motherfucker so hard.

They became friends, obviously. This is some shitty wish-fulfilment fic. Luna fans are always the most autistic shits on the planet. "She's so dark and edgy like Shadow!" Just die, please.

"We've got, like, so much in common!" she squealed in delight, "Let's like, meet up!"

"Sure thing, I guess," the sexy voice of harpseal2 replied.

"Can I like, fuck you?"

"Yeah, of course cunt, it's a shitty HiE clopfic. It's gonna happen anyway. I mean, the whole fucking premise of this shitty fic is totally flawed from the get-go, since we've never seen a functioning computer in the FiM universe. We've barely even seen electricity, except for cheap gags about Twilight being a geek. And I'm forging a friendship with a princess horse online? I mean, how many people have actually met through Steam and had a meaningful life together as a couple? A princess wants to chat to some fat, autist slob? I mean, if you buy this cancerous excuse for a fic, then fine, just come over and sit on my fucking dick I guess."

"Cool, I'll be over soon."

Celestia disowned her shitty sister the next day.

Fuck you all.

AN: Based on a story that was constantly featured called Her Knight In Faded Armour. It was shit, but I guess all fanfiction is shit.


	26. Based On A True Story

Chapter 26: Based On A True Story

Fluttershy felt an urgent need to pee. Why? I don't fuckin know, just fucking roll with it, Jesus, why do you question every fucking thing.

Anyway, she rushed to the toilet, and she did a fucking LONGass PISS. Fuck that shit felt good.

She flushed the toilet and put the lid down like a good young lady.

Suddently the urge to shit became very apparent so she ran to dat mofukin toilet and opened the lid

Wait what, the toilet was fuckin clogged? What the fuck?

*based on a true story


	27. Vore MLP Sonic FNAF

Chapter 27: Vore MLP Sonic FNAF

Fluttershy was trolling kids on the interwebs, LIKE A BOSS, and then suddenly sonic ate her like Mario eats 1ups. Then some fuckn animatronic from FNAF i dont fucking know ate that shit cunt named Soni and shat him out like mtndew dorito illuminati XD memer.

Fluttershy then shat out a dinosaur which shat out a bicycle.


	28. I Have No Name For This Chapter

Chapter 28: I Have No Name For This

AN: Written again by my buddy Dark Avenger, check him out on FIMFic. Or don't, it's a shitty site.

She calls my name. I step into the kitchen. There's sizzling coming from the stove, and there's an odd mist lingering in the air. A strong smell hits my nose, making me grimace. I can already tell she did something wrong. My limbs tense up, but I don't say anything just yet. She points to the plate on the table and turns off the stove. I take a seat and wait patiently while watching her work.

I sometimes wonder just how she can pull it off. No hands, not even toes, just four hooves, and yet she's working a whole kitchen. I guess that stink is my answer. She does it, but just barely. I stare as she grabs the pan and dumps its steaming contents in front of me. She then uses a fork to scrape out the leftovers stuck to the metal and tosses the pan into the sink.

The burning smell is even stronger this close. I look down at my plate and almost throw up. The blackened mass is like a pile of tar and mud all clumped together. I hear her complain about being tired and having a "bad day." My teeth grind on each other, and my fists are trembling, but I still don't say anything. I let her babble on while I pick up my fork. I tell myself that it just looks bad, but it's going to taste good.

I love steak. I want to eat steak. I hardly ever get to eat steak. Ponies don't eat steak, but I do. Ever since I came here, I haven't seen any meat on my plate. It's been too long since I had a good meal.

I cut a piece of meat and lift it to my mouth. My eyes are watering from the smell. I open my mouth and bite down. Ashes and bile meet my tongue. For a moment, I'm just sitting there, frozen with a fork in my mouth, like an idiot. Then I lose control. I cough and spit, tossing the fork away, and push myself back from the table.

"What the fuck is this?" I shout. She goes quiet, staring at me slack-jawed. Her dumb look just makes me more angry. "For fuck's sake, Rainbow Dash, can't you get anything right?"

"Huh?" She blinks and stands there in shock. "But... I did everything like you said, and—"

"Fuck that!" I slam my fist on the table, making her gasp and jump back. "I asked one thing from you today. One thing! That you cook this goddamn dinner right! Look at this shit!" I pick up the plate and toss it at her. She cries out again and shrinks back as it smashes on the wall beside her. "You burned the steak, you didn't even season it right, and you put onions on it. I told you I fucking hate onions! And you burned that shit too!"

She raises her hooves up, either trying to calm me down or to defend herself. I hate that look on her face. That stupid, scared look where she acts like she doesn't know why I'm angry.

"That's right, you plant-eating pussy. Look at you!" I walk up to her and roughly yank her up against me. She thrashes as my hands explore her face and limbs against her will. My fingers dig in between her lips, exploring her teeth, and I roughly grope at her muscles on her wings and her legs. "All that 'healthy food' bullshit just made you go soft. You're worthless in bed, you can't fly, and now you fuck up the cooking!"

I roughly slap her across the face and let go. She stares at me in shock, one trembling hoof reaching up to the red mark I left on her cheek. "I have to eat all that disgusting crap you make every night and listen to you preach about it," I shout at her. Walking up to the fridge, I throw the door open and start tossing out its contents. "All this stupid shit we have to buy because you horses can only eat flowers."

"P-Please..." she whimpers. "Stop! I'll fix it, just let me—"

"And you wanted to be a Wonderbolt?" I throw a half-eaten apple pie at her. Fucking hate apples too. We only get them because she's friends with that farmer cunt. "They wouldn't take you for a fucking groupie!"

She curls up on the floor, arms covering her head as I keep throwing dishes and foodstuffs at her. Once I run out, I toss one of the chairs at her as well and and a kick in the side for good measure. She's trembling and sobbing, covered in dirt. A smile tugs on my lips, and I reach down to undo my belt. The familiar sound of clinking of metal makes her tense up, and she gasps, slowly turning her head to look up at me. Her eyes are red, the tears in their corners streaming down her cheeks.

"No..." she says. "No. Please don't!"

"Think you can order me around, cunt?" I pull her up by her hair and force her onto all fours. My hands roughly grip her ass and deliver a firm smack, making her cry out. "How about you shut up and do the one thing you're good for?"

She doesn't say anything else, merely whimpers and tries to squirm. I give another smack, and she goes completely still. Moving a bit closer, I press my cock against her slit. It's puffy and bright red, shuddering as my tip rubs against it.

"Disgusting..." I growl. "What, did you shove a boot up there? You should have asked me instead."

She buries her head in her forelegs and sobs, while I brace myself and shove my cock into her. She throws her head back and screams again, while I laugh at how her face looks.

"Oh yeah, nice and tight, like always!" I slowly grind back and forth. Not to be gentle, just to give her snatch some time to get lubed up. "Wish it wasn't so fucking dry all the time though."

Her legs wriggle from the agony she must be feeling, and I feel something wet against my shaft. No doubt she's bleeding already. I pull back and thrust in, going all the way this time. Her arms give out, and she collapses on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Keep crying, whore. No one's coming to save you. All you stupid ponies are too wimpy to put up a fight."

All those stupid shits back home who laughed at me and said I'm a faggot for loving cartoon ponies. They said I'd probably fuck them if I could. They said I never will, same as how I'll never get to fuck a real girl.

Well, look who's laughing now?

"Yeah, why don't you just go and snuff it, bitch?" I smack her ass again. Her screams excite me even more than her tight cunt. "Go hide in a dumpster with all the other trash. I can always find another cock sock."

We go at it for almost ten minutes. She passes out just before I'd dump my load into her. I laugh and quickly pull out, letting my jizz spray all over her back. Sighing, I put my pants back on and glance down at her. Still don't know how she can't deal with four inches. Any real girl would have laughed me out of the room.

A voice calls me from outside. "Coming, Mom!" I reply. Picking up the plushie, I stuff it under my bed, making sure the Naruto-themed blankets hide it from view. I then take off the headphones and turn off rainbow_dash_ 3 on my laptop before I close it. Can't take any chances.

Stepping outside, I sniff at the air. Fucking hate vegetables. I may like ponies, but I wish I didn't live in a vegan family. One day I'll cut them up and cook them and eat their hearts.

Mom sees that my belt is still undone, and she shakes her head. She can probably smell it, too. I don't give a shit. Rainbow Dash is mine to play with however I want. I take off my sunglasses and pilot Metal Gear REX and try to kill my genetically superior brother.


	29. The Bye Bye Pony

Chapter 17: The Bye Bye Pony

It was a cold and lonely night, and all was silent. Starlight Glimmer slept in her cozy bed. She was awoken by a nightmare. How spooky. She turned on the light. How? Because plot convenience. Look shit-heads I haven't read a single piece of fan-fiction for years, and also haven't seen an episode of this fuckin show since the S6 or 5 premiere I actually don't remember. It took my about 7 hours to sit through it and watch it in 2 minute intervals because it was akin to Chinese Water Torture except I slowly became more autistic. So I don't know shit about how fuckin lights work in this universe, okay?

Anyway she opened up the fucking draw and noticed that she could lift the base out, so she did. Holy shit, she thought. She looked on the other side. It said;

The Bye Bye Pony

"The Bye Bye Pony..." she said. Oh shit. Oh fuckin shit guys. She fucking did it. She fucking did it alright. She fucked up so fucking bad. Holy fucking shit dudes she fucked the fuck up so fucking hard how the fuck do you even fuck up this fucking bad? Jesus Christ, how the fuck? This fucking cunt of a fucking horse fucked up so fucking bad. Jesus Joseph Mary and the holy Lord above in Heaven this cunt has absolutely fucked herself. I'm fucking gobsmacked at how fucking stupid this stupid fucking horse is. I thought horses had similar intelligence to humans, but apparently I was dead fucking wrong, because this horse is SO fucking stupid, she just said fucking "Bye Bye Pony" aloud. Do you fucking know what that means? Jesus christ wait a second. Just fill your mouth with popcorn you fucking fat piece of dogshit. That's right, I'm going to milk your fat man tits and make the butter for the popcorn which other fat fuckers will eat. Holy fuc-

Wait a second…

Just wait..

Wait...

Wait for it….

Just wait a few more moments….

Wait….

Waaaait….

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait….

Wait a second…

Wait a final moment…

And...

BOOM JUMPSCARE!

A CGI DOG JUST KILLED HER BROTHER HOLY FUCK THAT CGI WAS TERRIBLE JESUS THAT IS JUST THE WORST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN HOW THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE IN A THEATRE JESUS CHRIST OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE AND CANCEROUS LIKE A TUMOUR ON MY FUCKING NUTSACK JESUS CHRIST THIS IS LIKE BEING MOLESTED BY AN ELEPHANT ALTHOUGH REALLY WHO THE FUCK WOULD WILLINGLY GET FUCKED BY AN ELEPHANT LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN MOLESTATION I MEAN I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE THERE'S NO OTHER WORD FOR IT BUT DAMN THAT IMPLIES THAT AN ELEPHANT COULD CONSENSUALLY FUCK SOMEONE ALTHOUGH I GUESS I'M WRITING THIS SHITTY STORY FOR SOME FAT OLD FAGGOTS WHO LIKE TO JACK OFF TO HORSES AND I'M SURE THEY'D LET A FUCKING HORSE FUCK THEM IN THE ASS AND THEY'D FUCKING DIE WHICH TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WOULD BE A BENEFIT TO SOCIETY BECAUSE BRONIES ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH AND LITERALLY LIKE ON THE SAME LEVEL AS THE SONIC FANBASE DURING THEIR WORST YEARS LIKE JESUS YOU GUYS MAKE JOSEF FRITZL LOOK LIKE A CHILL AND NICE GUY LIKE DAMN I'D RATHER GO TO SCHOOL WITH ERIC HARRIS AND DYLAN KLEBOLD THAN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU FUCKING FREAKS!

Starlight Glimmer then died because the Bye Bye pony got her. The fucking end. And this is the end of me making fanfictions anymore, by the way. Trump was the best thing to happen to America, you pussies. Okay bye that's the end.

AN: Okay but seriously though, thank you all for reading this shitty story of mine. This is probably the last thing I'll ever have to do with the site. I'm firmly not a fan of the show anymore, and I'm firmly against the brony fandom. But hey, some of you guys wrote some cool shit. Some of you guys are my best friends on the cold shithole known as the internet, a place so vast and horrible that it makes being sent into space without a suit on look like a favourable option. So thanks, FIMFiction. You can be a festering ground for pure autism, but you've given me some great memories, some great stories, some great inspirations, and most of all, some of the best friends a jaded old asshole like me can make. That's all I have to say. A final goodbye to FIMFic. Maybe some day we'll meet in heaven. Where everything is fine ( watch?v=UmyzYBeGrE8).

Goodbye FIMFic, hello an even worse site full of even more autism.


	30. PLOT TWIST!

Chapter 30: The Worst Stories for The Worst People

Hey there reader! My name is harpseal2, but yoooou, can call me harpseal2! So you've been reading my masterpiece, Bad Stories For Bad People in it's remastered form, RIGHT? Haha! I know, it's pretty fucken good. So far, I've merged my stories! Chapters 1 to 19 are from Bad Stories for Bad People, while Chapters 20 to 29 are from Worse Stories for Worse People! Ain't that just fascinating? Anyway, I've got an important question!

Do you like Bad Stories for Bad People? Do you like Worse Stories for Worse People? Well, I've got a surprise for you!

I'll be working on FOUR NEW CHAPTERS! That's right, it's my final Fuck You to My Little Pony and just fanfiction in general! These FOUR NEW CHAPTERS will have never been seen on FIMFiction, and will never been seen on that fucking horrid site, as they refuse to accept my stories! These new chapters can be considered the Worst Stories for the Worst People, and will be of low quality and low interest to everyone!

These chapters will be coming out whenever I fucking feel like it, you can't rush perfection you retarded nigger. Fuck you.


	31. Just Communication Songfic

Chapter 31: Just Communication

AN: hai guize dis is mi first story its about quatre rhubarb weiner x pipsquek slash from the gundam series My Little Pony enjoy! Major spoilers for both Spongebob and Evangelion.

So leik once upon a taime… like srsly... Quatrro Vagina Renaldo Whiner was just chilling in the sandcock Gundam from the Television Series Mobile Suit G Gundam Wing SEED: Destiny ZZ Unicron Victory Minecraft. When all of a Sudan… a horse appear! It was pimplebitch from the television series MY LITTLE HORSE: 08th MS Team 2 Electric Boogaloo.

They fucked gayly.

Based on a true stroy from the song named Just Wild Beat Communication by the Fortunate Sons. Also known as the OP from the television series Shin Mazinger Shougeki! Z-hen! Where Kouji Kabuto dies in magma.


	32. Rainbow Dash Rapes a Child

Chapter 32: Rainbow Dash Rapes a Child

It was a beautiful sunny day in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was flying around and chilling. She perched on a cloud, and lay down on her back. She looked into the sky, and pondered wistfully, like a dreamer.

"Hmmm, I have finished aaaaaaall my work early… and now I have nothing to do for the rest of the afternoon…" she said.

Suddenly, she darted up. She had an idea!

"I know! I'll molest a child!"

Dash jumped into the air and started gliding towards the ground. There, she saw her biggest fan, Scootaloo, just wondering down the dirt road. She looked really sad, but Dash didn't care. Scoot was the perfect target for some non-consensual carnal knowledge.

"Hey Scootaloo! How's it goin', squirt?"

Scootaloo looked up and said in a solemn voice "Fine Dash, I was just coming home from school and all… you know those bullies have been really getting to m-"

"Yeah yeah who the fuck cares, do you wanna hang out with me or not you fucking cumstain on the sheets of your father's bed?

"Sure I guess…" Scootaloo said.

About thirty minutes later, they arrived at Dash's house. Dash had to carry the worthless fucking child because she couldn't fly. She picked the keys out of her pocket and opened the door.

"Wait what pocket?" you, the reader, probably just thought. "She's not wearing pants, what the hell are you talking about?"

I don't know asshole it's a fucking cartoon.

"Alright fucking dickhead come inside, and go into my bedroom" Dash said.

"Why the bedroom?" Scootaloo questioned authority like a retarded nigger.

"Shut the fuck up moron, it's probably a fucking toy or something, candy or some shit, just fucking do it you retarded nigger fucking faggot piece of horse shit scumfuck billionaire cumstain" Dash said softly and lovingly.

"Sure."

Dash rubbed her hooves together like a filthy Jewish rat who just conned a stupid faggot into buying an overpriced product.

"Surely, my plan to rape a child will succeed now!"

She opened the door and saw Scootaloo sitting on the bed. She was naked. Of course she was, she was a fucking horse. Have you ever seen a fucking horse with a pair of pants on you dumb faggot? Kill yourself shitstain. Fucking retard.

"Alright fuckhead prepare to be raped!"

"Oh shit no" Scootaloo said.

Dash jumped on top of the child and violently fisted her in her v-hole. Just kidding, she hooved her. How the fuck can something without a hand "fist", you fucking idiot?

"It appears that I am being raped" said Scootaloo.

"Yeah kinda sucks, doesn't it, asshole?"

"Meh, it's not the most unpleasant experience. I'd probably give it a 6/10 on the unpleasant scale."

"Yeah well… that's really fuckin' low holy shit kid."

Dash removed her hoof from the cunt of the young horse and moved it into the asshole of the same young horse, and kept up the violent fisting.

"Yeah well I mean it's not good but it's hardly as bad as being set on fire, for example" Scootaloo said.

"What, you've been set on fire?"

"Well no but that can't be pleasant right?"

"Well, sure, but…" Dash said.

"And I mean, drowning is also worse, I mean that's really bad."

"I reckon I'd prefer to drown, honestly."

"Nah," Scootaloo said, "I'd prefer to be set alight. The best way to die is from being shot, I reckon."

"Well yeah, it's quick and painless," Dash said while fisting the little orange horse.

"Yeah so that's probably a 3/10 on the unpleasant scale."

Dash pulled her hoof out and sat down on the bed.

"Alright kid, I raped you. Now go home and cry or something."

"Yeah alright see ya later."

And they both lived happily ever after. The end.


	33. The Kiss of A Apple

Chapter 33: The Kiss of A Apple

AN: this is my favouri te ship of Big Jack and Brayburn… please like and subscribe.

One day, Big Mac was just kicking some trees and picking up the apples. Seriously, this is a terrible method of apple farming. Just hire a fucking monkey to do it. I mean if cows are smart enough to speak, then surely monkeys not only exist, but are smart enough to understand tasks like gathering apples. Jesus, what a bunch of retards.

Suddenly his cousin Braeburn came galloping towards him with his erect horse cock hanging out.

"Yo cuz let's fuck" he said.

"Sure thang cuz," Big Mack said.

And they did. Like the fucking degenerates that they are.

This fanfiction was brought to you by Marriage Equality Australia, Federal Government, Canberra.


	34. Desire

Chapter 34: Desire

AN: Harry Potter x humanised rule 63 Twilight Sparkle slash yaoi… enjoy my lustful viewers 3

It was a cold, dark night at Hogwarts… and young Harry was lusting over young men in his room. He was staring at his 12 month half-naked Twink boys calendar. He started masterwanking when all of a sudden, he heard a sharp but soft knock on the door. He quickly put his knob back into his pants, and answered.

It was Twilight SParkle… his neighbour!

"Hello sexy boy," said Harry.

"Let's fuck bb," said Twilight.

And so they did.

Crossover fanfiction is pure cancer, and I actively got autism just from writing this shitty chapter ironically. Fuck you, userbase of this shitty site.


	35. Final: The Author's Tragedy

Final Chapter: The Author's Tragedy

It's a beautiful afternoon in Summer. You are sitting in front of the computer. Being an Australian, it's rather hot out and you're staying in the cool air. You take a sip from the foul Pepsi Max next to you. It's shit, as to be expected. You sigh, and then you click onto the same old Google drive document. It's been around for many fucking years at this point, and hasn't been changed in years.

You're rewriting the final chapter of your story, to cap it off appropriately. It's a rehash of the real last chapter, but you didn't like how self-loathing it originally was. Your life has changed drastically since you first wrote this fic. It's been many years, and you're a few months away from turning twenty. But you're pretty happy with where you're life is, unlike how you were when you first wrote it. You don't have a job, but you work hard for your dad sometimes. You drink a lot of alcohol; in fact, yesterday you had a quarter of a bottle of Canadian Club! But you're pretty healthy, if a bit overweight, and you have started a daily routine of walking a fair distance around the neighbourhood. You've picked some university courses, and you have a good idea of what you want to do in the future.

You sigh, and keep adding chapters to your story through the archaic fucking interface that uses. All because some faggot moderator on FIMFic decided to be a cunt and remove the story from that site. You don't really give a shit though. Years ago, you kept watching My Little Pony out of some misguided loyalty. You had watched the shitty show when it was first memed into high heavens. You were there when S1 was still going, and you stayed for five goddamn years. But by the tail end of those five years, your interest in the show had greatly diminished, to the point where it took six hours to watch the shitty episode every weekend. Then, one day, you just gave up and dropped it. You never looked back. Your life had literally improved and you had found more interesting things to watch.

You finish typing the rest of the story in Google Drive. You get ready to copy and paste this chapter into the old shitty interface. You're fucking happy to be done with this shit. You submit the document, and then click onto the story you're working on. You add the chapter and sit back, happy you'll literally never have to think about fanfiction again.

And for a final brief moment, Bad Stories for Bad People Remastered is back on the recently updated page.

The Final Author's Notes: And that's a wrap, folks. Thanks to everyone who decided to read this story. This is probably my favourite piece of work from FIMFiction.

Just for the sake of it, I'd like to point out that Chapters 1-19 are from Bad Stories for Bad People, Chapters 20-29 are from Worse Stories for Worse People, and Chapters 30 to the final chapter (this one) can be considered The Worst Stories for The Worst People. Just to complete that little triplet.

This is very different to the original Author's Tragedy. However, I'll link the original, unedited stories down here for everyone to check out if they want.

Bad Stories for Bad People

Worse Stories for Worse People

The Worst Stories for The Worst People

Thanks again for reading.

-harpseal2


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